The Fuckboy Diaries: Decoding Fuckboy Texts

Coming to college opened up a new assortment of boys to talk to, which is a great thing (really half the reason I came to college… just kidding!) But, apps like Tinder and Bumble, or just meeting boys at parties means there’s a lot of opportunity to interact with a common breed, fuck boys. It’s surprising how much a boy can make you want to throw your phone out the window just by one text. But sometimes, it’s hard to know just what these fuck boys were thinking before pressing “send.” 

1. “U up?” Is it cute that a boy is thinking of you at 2 am on a random Thursday night? Do you even have the decency to spell a full word correctly, let alone write out a full sentence? The answer is no and even if you are awake, you should just pretend you’re not. 

2. “Is your roommate gone?” Are you my RA? Or my mother? Or do you just want to invite yourself into the comfort of my own room and probably overstay your welcome and make my room smell like boy?

3. “Wya” When you receive this text out of nowhere with no context, you know that the sender has intentions in mind.

4. “Wyd tn?” What a classic. Honestly, I’m guilty of this one too. Such an easy text that gets the message across.

5. “Do you still have a bf?” Well, I guess this is a courtesy. Unless the follow up text has something to do with the fact that you should forget about the boyfriend and hang out with them.

6. “I’m coming over” Okay, unless he did not receive a CLEAR invitation from you, this is flat out creepy.

7. “I like you, I just don’t want to date you” This one’s tricky. Because they might truly like you and just don’t want a relationship, but does that really mean they like you that much?”

8. “Cmon I prob wouldn’t show anyone that you even know even if I did screenshot” Uhhhhh no, thank you.

9. “So I just spent the last two hours trying to seduce you for nothing?” This is such a red flag. If you don’t want to do something, you don’t have to. And you don’t need to apologize for that and if he was a decent person, he would understand that. Drop him. 

10. “I know I got back with my ex after I broke up with you, but forgive me I love you.” No he does not, his ex probably ripped his heart out just like he did to you. Avoid at all costs.

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