Dear girl who’s always the second choice,
First off, I know how you feel. I know what it’s like to put your all into a relationship, whether a platonic or romantic one, and never feel like you’re the main priority in their life even though they are yours. I know what it’s like to be so desperately in love with a guy but have him end up with another girl instead, even when you thought for so long that the girl in his arms would be you. I know what it’s like to watch the person you consider your best friend ditch plans with you for her other friends. I am no stranger to what it feels like to never be someone’s favorite person, someone’s first choice, no matter how hard you try. You want to be wanted so badly that it hurts.
You’re the girl who puts her all into the people around you. You put so much effort into each and every one of your relationships, even going as far as to put everyone else before yourself. You want to make sure everyone feels loved and appreciated and for people to give back what you give to them. But in reality, often times, you end up moving mountains for people who wouldn’t even raise a finger for you. As a result, you can end up heartbroken and disappointed, wondering if your efforts will ever pay off.
But the truth is, you can’t force people to choose you. You can put all your time and effort into someone and chose them every day, and still not end up with them. And it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. You can give every ounce of you and still not be what they want. And that’s okay. If they choose another girl over you, that doesn’t mean you’re any less than. It doesn’t mean that she’s prettier than you, or smarter than you, or more fun to be around. It doesn’t mean she has something you don’t, it just wasn’t meant to be for one reason or another. Maybe someday soon you’ll find that reason or maybe you never will. Regardless, if you gave it your all, there was nothing else you could’ve done.
Someday you will be someone’s first choice. Someday, maybe near or far, someone will never stop choosing you. You will finally have that best friend who checks up on you every day or that boyfriend who does everything to make sure you’re having a good day. But until then, choose yourself. Be your own first choice. Put yourself first, for once. That doesn’t mean neglecting those around you, or being self-centered, it means taking your own needs into consideration. It means stop spending all your time trying to make sure others are happy and focus on our own happiness. It means being a little bit selfish. It means pursuing your dreams, and your dreams only. It means loving you for you and giving yourself all the love you constantly give to others.Â
You may not be his first choice, or hers, but you can be yours. Remember that.
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