Along with many people I know in college, I have been in a long-distance relationship with my high school boyfriend, Matt, for the past two years. However, he does not attend a traditional four-year college, so the number of times I see him is weird. Sometimes I see him for a random long weekend, or sometimes he is in Connecticut for six weeks at a time. For a few years, I have not seen him for the holidays because he travels with family and has shorter breaks. This sporadic schedule has posed its challenges, but, nevertheless, I have learned to enjoy the time he is around as well as the time apart. Here, I am going to talk about the upsides of long-distance and some of the things we do in our relationship to help me stay happy on my own!
Online dates and rituals
Developing a routine for online dates and specific rituals took us a bit of time. From the beginning of our relationship in high school, I had always wanted to be long-distance, but, when the time came, I was the one who pulled away. I was scared because I felt like we would lose some of the intimacy and connection due to the loss of communication or immediate proximity. For a while we let other distractions take the priority in our own lives, but after experimenting and communicating our needs to each other we were able to develop what worked and what did not. Now, we make sure we call every day unless something is limiting in our schedule, and we are always making sure we are watching something together or playing a game. It also took us a bit of time to get into activities we could do together online because we have different interests, but we have really enjoyed watching Shameless and playing Minecraft together regularly!
Trip planning
Anyone who knows me personally or keeps up with my articles knows how much I love planning day trips or fun activities to do. Planning and anticipating moments of joy in my life is something that I take great pride in— my friends always attribute me to having the best ideas and I find in most of my relationships I am the one conjuring up the plans. This knows no limits with Matt, as he is my favorite person to road trip and do things with, so I am always looking ahead at something fun to do together. For this upcoming long weekend, he will be in Connecticut, so I am thinking about taking a little trip about an hour south. A small town along the river, Chester has a village-like charm with great restaurants and a sweet-treat place that I would love to explore. I am a sucker for all things food, and I cannot wait to go on this small trip. There are so many hidden gems around the state of Connecticut that are not too far out as long as you are willing to look!
Other priorities take the forefront
This is probably the most important factor in me enjoying my long-distance relationship. I can go about my day and engage in the work that I need to do for my classes, as well as prioritize my friendships, without worrying about making sure I am also spending enough time with my boyfriend. I feel like when we live such busy lives in college, some priorities are inevitably set aside. While I do feel sad about Matt not being in a close driving distance, I have found a new appreciation for being able to live life on my own without worrying about him. I build my routines with him into my own time to decompress at night, where I engage in my own self-care practices while having quality time with him. As someone who wants to satisfy every aspect of my life and give each portion my 100% effort, I do not have to worry about sacrificing my schoolwork or relationships with friends because it is one less thing on my plate to worry about. I genuinely think I would have a harder time managing everything in my life if he was around all the time, or if I had a significant other who went to the same school as me. I know some people can manage it, but I think I would be super stressed out trying to fit everyone and everything that I care about into my weeks.
At the end of the day, long distance is extremely hard to manage, especially for new college students who are taking on an adjustment to a whole different life. I am a firm believer in the idea that if you work hard enough for something, you can make it work. It is a constant engagement of effort every day that you have to go into with the mindset of knowing that it will not be perfect, and it will be difficult. It does get easier over time, but you have to be with someone who is equally as willing to go through the process with you.