The general definition of being ‘alone’ is strictly numeric, meaning that it’s just you; there is no one else present in the room with you. Being lonely, however, carries a completely different connotation, in which you’re sad because you’re lacking companionship. These words are often used interchangeably, but the feelings which stem from their true definition are entirely different. Some people are okay with being alone, and many relish it. On the flip side, others hate being alone and eventually feel lonely because they miss the feelings of security and happiness associated with companionship. Whether you’re in college, employed, or 45 years old with a partner and children, an overwhelming majority of us can agree that we’ve felt lonely at one point or another, as I know I have. However, being alone doesn’t need to result in you automatically feeling lonely. Sometimes we cannot control the fact that we are alone, but we can take steps to make sure that it doesn’t end with us crying to Taylor Swift’s “You’re on Your Own, Kid” while indulging in some Ben & Jerry’s in our beds and feeling lonely (not that there’s anything wrong with partaking in this method every once in awhile either).
Now is also a good time to note that if you find negative feelings to be a constant battle for you and that they take a large toll on your mental health, consider utilizing your community’s resources to see a counselor or seek professional help. With that being said, you know yourself best. The list below is just a few tips regarding mindfulness and proactive behavior that I’ve found to be extremely helpful when feeling lonely.
Be introspective
Before you let yourself spiral into a bottomless pit of insecurity and sadness: take a breath, let yourself feel through all of your emotions, and cry if you need to (letting it out truly does help). After being patient with yourself, try your best to assess your current situation and feelings as objectively as you can. Why do you feel lonely? Think about how long you’ve felt that way, and try to assess the root cause of that problem. Is it situational or constant? Is isolation a self-sabotaging tendency that you have when you’re reacting to otherwise unrelated situations/emotions? Are you experiencing FOMO? Is your heavy workload resulting in you feeling isolated? These are just a few of the questions you can ask yourself before jumping to conclusions and faulty coping mechanisms and can help you figure out how to proceed from there.
Find A Hobby
If you’ve done some self-reflection and discovered that your loneliness is situational or FOMO-based, you may likely feel like you’re missing out on fun experiences and doing things that make you happy. If this resonates with you, I recommend looking into a new hobby or joining a club or group on campus! A lot of the time, our external stressors can fuel our loneliness if we do not regulate or release them somehow. I’ve found that carving time out of my day to do something that I enjoy helps regulate any negative emotions I may be experiencing by allowing me to clear my mind and focus on the hobby in front of me instead. Some fun hobby ideas could include: channeling your inner artist with some sketching or painting, picking up that one book you’ve been meaning to get to but didn’t have the time for, working out at the gym or in a fitness/dance class as a physical outlet, or googling a new recipe and baking some sweet treats for yourself, just to name a few.
Make Meaningful Connections
This seems simple enough, but finding the right friends and learning how to form relationships beyond the superficial can be harder than you think, especially in college. Almost everyone makes a ton of friends and connections via social media and pre-existing friend groups at some point or another in their lives. Yet somehow, we can find ourselves in a room full of those people and still feel lonely. It’s okay to feel this way, but it’s also important to acknowledge that if you don’t feel like those friendships are giving you what you need, it’s okay to distance yourself and seek more meaningful and genuine connections. I 100% recommend reaching out to people from classes, clubs, and/or social settings that you find interesting or think you could get along with! Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there by taking a seat next to someone new and starting a conversation, because there’s a very high chance that both of you will be glad that you did!
Self-Care
The habit of self-care is extremely important and can take various forms according to you and your individualized needs. Taking the time to ensure that you give yourself and your body the nourishment and relaxation it needs can make a world of a difference in your self-esteem, and in turn, helps you feel more comfortable with being alone by taking that extra time to work on yourself — and who doesn’t love a good pampering? Some self-care habits that my friends and I enjoy doing for ourselves include: taking an ‘everything shower’ to wash the day away, doing your nails (or going to a salon to get them done), journaling about your day and the things that you’re grateful for, taking a relaxing walk, or just giving yourself a day to kick back and relax however you see fit!
Lower your Screen Time
Another major factor that can make or break your state of loneliness is your phone. Although it serves as a great line of communication between you and your loved ones by making you feel more connected through texts, phone calls, and social media, it is important to be able to acknowledge when the line needs to be drawn. Connection is one of the best ways to combat loneliness. However, when the need for instant gratification through parasocial relationships on Instagram or Snapchat begins to take over, and you indulge in a FOMO scroll session, you may wind up feeling worse than you did before picking up your phone. Limiting your screen time and working on becoming more self-aware can help you recognize when mindlessly tapping through stories on your phone is no longer productive. This focus on self-awareness can free you from worrying about what other people are doing, prevents the potential for self-comparison, and thus stops the dark side of social media from fueling your loneliness and the negative feelings behind it.
You’re not alone
As I’ve previously mentioned, being alone and feeling lonely are two separate things, and here’s a parting example to further prove that point: being lonely doesn’t mean that you’re alone. Many people, like those of us in college or other transitional phases of life, have experienced loneliness in some form or another. It may feel like you’re the only one experiencing these struggles, but if you take a closer look at those around you (and maybe even make a few new friends), you’ll come to find that this is not an issue exclusive to you alone. There is no single solution, but striving for consistency, being mindful, and opening yourself up to the possibilities around you is a step in the right direction.