Most of us have heard those dreaded words “we need to talk” and I am eternally jealous of those who will never have to hear those words. Whether it is breaking up with someone or being the one broken up with, breakups are inevitably difficult, both to initiate and to come to terms with. As someone who experienced their first devastating breakup a couple of months ago, I wanted to share my ultimate survival tips with how to grasp the fact that you lost an essential person in your life, maybe permanently or maybe not.
Go no contact!
Yes, that familiar phrase that no one wants to hear, but we all know it is the only true way to cope with a breakup. Although the reality of going from talking to someone every day to completely cutting them off is a difficult one, I believe it has to be done. How could you be broken up with someone if you still talk every day? In the beginning, it will be extremely hard, but channel these urges to text them into urges to text other important people in your life. I am sure your grandparents would love to hear from you.
It’s okay to be upset…for a while
Healing is not linear and is a different process for everyone. It does not matter if you have been with this person for 5 years or 5 weeks, breakups still involve loss. A breakup is essentially a grieving process, and just like the actual grieving process, there are different timelines for everyone. One person’s idea of healing might be to burn all of their exes’ belongings, while another person’s might be to listen to sad music. The most important thing is to not compare your healing process to others.
Block them
This act of blocking comes from a place of self-care. Although blocking is perceived as a form of hatred, this form of blocking is to protect yourself. Imagine going on social media and seeing your recent ex posting with someone else. That would rip anyone to shreds. In doing this, you are preventing yourself from stalking and finding out information you wish you did not. After all, ignorance is bliss.
Get angry (If they deserve it)
The next take I bring forth is one that might be deemed controversial. It is natural to miss someone when first dealing with a breakup, however to not fall into the toxic pattern of longing for this person, you have to break this cycle. In my humble opinion, it is easier to “get over” someone when you no longer “like” them. In other words, you will not miss your ex if you hate them. Now, I am not saying you should automatically despise this person just because they broke up with you (that isn’t beneficial for anyone), I am saying only despise this person if they truly wronged you. Excellent examples of this are cheating or other similar instances. If you remind yourself how much pain they caused you, it will numb the feeling of missing them.
Talk to your friends
When disaster strikes in a way such as this, you will need your support system to be there to soften the blow of the incident. (Hence another reason you should not forget about your friends once you get into a relationship…) Air all of your feelings out to your friends, cry, watch sad movies, and all in all, embrace your emotions. Talking to people about your experiences allows you to relieve your intense emotions and listen to others’ advice. Other people in your life have most likely gone through a similar situation and know exactly how you’re feeling, and it might help to see how they came out the other side completely unscathed.
See this as an opportunity
A true optimist would repeat these exact words: “this is a good thing!” In the moment you will not believe these words, but just hear us out. This new open space in your heart will allow you to meet new people (that may be better for you), connect more with family and friends, pick up new hobbies, learn more about yourself, and even more. Always remember, you had a life before this person, and you will have a life after them.
Finally, although I am very new to this topic, I recognize how stressful and lonely this experience can be. It is perfectly normal to reflect on this relationship once in a while, but remember what it ultimately taught you. The act of losing someone is not an easy feat, however, one day you will look back and see how far you have come. Every day you will wake up, and it will hurt less and less until one day, the pain will be a faint memory. I will borrow from the popular phrase and say, time truly does heal all wounds.