Inside The Mind Of A Transfer Student

I transferred schools after my first ever semester of college. It was a whirlwind of emotions, inner reflection, and just generally wondering what the heck was going on. College is a huge transition and it’s quite common for people to transfer schools, so I really wanted to share my experience and possibly provide a new perspective based on my journey.

my first Semester

My first semester at college was rocky, to say the least. I had toured the school twice, loved what I saw, and was excited to attend. I hadn’t selected a major at that point, so I went in undecided. I went pretty far from home and the first two weeks were so busy with “Welcome Week” and classes that I didn’t really have time to think. As I got settled in, I thought I had found everything I needed for the perfect start of my college career. I made friends on my floor and in my classes, played club tennis, was part of a dance team (I can’t even dance, but the video is linked below for your viewing pleasure), and played Olympic-level ping pong in my building’s lobby every night for two hours. I had all of that and more, yet as more time went on, I couldn’t shake this empty feeling.

Isolation

I’ll be the first to admit, I was homesick. Everyone, however, kept telling me that would go away, and I didn’t want that to be the reason I transferred. I would have felt like I gave up and ran away because I couldn’t do it. But the longer I was there, the more I realized I wasn’t just homesick, it just wasn’t the right environment for me. I don’t even really know when it started, but I began to pull myself away from everything. I stopped going down to the lobby and only ate by myself; it felt like I was wading through a fog every day. When I look back, some days I only remember the walk to the dining hall and then back to my room. It was like I was living in a daze, on autopilot. I was miserable, simple as that. It was hard to text my friends and look at social media because I kept comparing myself and how everyone else seemed to be having the time of their lives. I felt like all the time I spent away I was missing important moments back home with my family. My mom would reassure me that I wasn’t missing anything big, they were just following the normal routine, but that’s what hurt because I was missing those ordinary moments that I treasure. My mind was constantly swimming with anxiety, dread, and confusion. I felt trapped. It’s a hard feeling to explain and I didn’t know how to tell anyone because I thought it was somewhat normal, that I was simply adjusting. 

Eureka

Every moment I was awake I spent wishing I wasn’t there. I was having major anxiety about doing things I used to love and I felt like I was losing who I was. I never wanted to go back to campus after coming home for breaks. My dad visited every month and I would count down the days to his arrival. When he visited those were the only moments I felt relieved of this pressure in my head. I remember I cried in the shower for a week straight and that’s when I finally realized that maybe this wasn’t normal. I started thinking about transferring in November, but I was so worried about how others would perceive me if I transferred. I remember at the end of Thanksgiving break I had fully made up my mind that I didn’t want to go back for the spring semester, that I wanted to apply to transfer to UConn or ECSU. Talking with my parents really helped me process what I was feeling and relieve the stress I felt about bringing up transferring. I was embarrassed and felt like I was running away. I thought people would judge me, especially for leaving after one semester. I thought I had to have some really solid reasoning that would justify my actions, but when you’re the one living through it, you have to do what’s best for you. I agonized over the decision to transfer for ages. I made pros and cons lists, I reflected on my time there and what I was feeling, and I had long conversations with friends and family to get outside perspectives. All of it got me closer to the solution I knew deep down was right.

Transfer Applications

It’s a pretty scary feeling to have to basically reapply to college while you’re in college, especially when you’re desperate to leave a place that is suffocating you. After Thanksgiving break, I hit the ground running with newfound motivation to submit the transfer applications, finish up my finals, and then get out. I had to get access to my Common App again, reach out to my high school to have them send my transcripts, and log in to get my SAT scores again. All of this was a frustrating process but that didn’t stop me. The waiting was the worst part. After submitting my transfer applications I just had to wait, and that’s when the doubt creeps in. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do if I didn’t get accepted. UConn was my first choice as it was close to home, I already knew some people who went there, and they had a wide variety of majors and a lot of school spirit. I called a friend who went to UConn to ask them a bunch of questions so I would feel fully confident in my choices. I distinctly remember getting my acceptance email from UConn on a Saturday morning. I had been doing laundry and my roommate was asleep. My heart was racing as I opened it and when I saw the confetti and the congratulations I just looked up at the ceiling, took a deep breath, and couldn’t stop the smile that took over my face. With that ball rolling I was able to then apply for housing and get in contact about course registration and orientation. It all felt very exciting and I was so relieved. Even though I knew I was entering another new and unknown phase, I knew wholeheartedly that I had made the right decision.

coming home

My mom helped me move out after I finished my finals and honestly, it was such a memorable experience. I’m so thankful to her for making that trip fun when it had the potential to be embarrassing and frustrating. I remember us trying to fit all of my stuff in our little rental car and doubling over laughing at the silliest things. She turned that moment into something special and it made me realize all of my hard work was worth it. I was so relieved to be coming back home, but I was still nervous about what people would think. Once you transfer schools, you can’t get rid of that label. As someone who needs to transfer, part of you knows that the label doesn’t mean anything; that there’s nothing wrong with transferring, but the other part points out that you didn’t follow the typical path, and you feel very exposed. I still feel it once in a while when I have to explain how my first year of college looked a little different, but now that I’m almost halfway through my junior year, I’ve come to appreciate my growth and how I advocated for myself so that I could be in the best mental state to actually enjoy all that college has to offer. Once I transferred, I could finally breathe again, and I felt the excitement and motivation I’d been lacking for the first five months of my college career.

Looking back

College is hard, no doubt. It’s often framed as the “best years of your life” but they are also the hardest. I didn’t understand that until I went through it, and although my experiences are specific to me, it doesn’t undermine the various hardships we all go through. We all deserve grace and the opportunity to be in an environment that best suits us. And that can look very different because we are all very different. I don’t regret the time I spent away during my first semester. I value the relationships I made, how much I learned about myself, and my ability to be resilient. It wasn’t all bad, I still have some very fond memories of that first semester, because we were all trying to figure things out. When I look back I wish I was kinder to myself and worried less about others’ opinions. Everyone’s path looks different, and it’s no use to compare your journey to someone else’s. I also understand that not every transfer student has the same experience as me. This was just an inside scoop on my personal roller coaster as I navigated college for the first time. I’m still trying to figure things out and that’s okay. Always check in with yourself and see what changes you might need to make to prioritize your health and happiness.

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