Dear Ex Best Friend,
I think the hardest part about writing this is having to face feelings and things I haven’t thought about in years. I’ve always been good at pushing bad events and memories out of my head, going upon life as if they never happened, and for a while that’s what I did with our friendship. I tried to convince myself it didn’t exist. I refused to let myself think about the good times we had, for fear it would hurt me even more, knowing that we will never share memories like those ever again.
However, we had a lot of good times, that can’t be denied. From long car rides where we’d blast music and sing at the top of our lungs, to never missing the annual fair in our hometown, to having sleepovers every Friday night with my mom yelling down at us to stop giggling at 2 am, to cracking up to the point of tears over the dumbest things, we always knew how to make each other laugh. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way our laughter turned to tears.
Everyone knew we were best friends. We were attached at the hip. We were the type of best friends that people write stories about with the type of friendship you only see in movies, the type that some people spend their whole lives waiting for. For the longest time when I pictured my future, you were always right there beside me. Right there for our college graduations, our weddings, and then having kids. I always thought you would be my maid of honor at my wedding, the godmother to my children, the person I called when no one else in the world understood me. It was a harsh reality when I realized that was never going to happen.
From the falling out of our friendship, I have learned a lot, about both the world and myself. I learned that life isn’t always fair, and sometimes it’s best to let go. I’ve always had a hard time letting going, probably because I hate change; which is why I think I held on to our crumbling friendship for so long. However, now I know that you can’t hold on to everything and everyone, because people and situations change. Sometimes it’s less painful to just let go entirely. I’ve learned how to be independent. I always had you by my side, and I really don’t think I knew how to do things without you. When our friendship disintegrated, it forced me to learn how to become my own person, and not always cling to other people for support. I also learned about the type of friend I want to be to other people, and I truly think the end of our friendship has helped me, in some ways, build stronger relationships with those currently in my life.
When our friendship ended, I was hurt. I was upset, I wanted you to hurt the way you had hurt me. I wanted you to know about the nights where I cried myself to sleep because I thought I had lost the one person who had fully understood me, the one person who knew everything about me, so that you’d understand how sad I was. I don’t wish that on you anymore. I wish you a long life of happiness, because I have come to realize that I wasn’t perfect, you weren’t perfect, we weren’t perfect. I’ve come to realize friendships fall apart and sometimes it’s no one’s fault. It is impractical to hate someone who gave me some of the best years of my life.
Lastly, I want you to know when I hear the songs we used to blast on the radio, drive by the places we used to hangout, or look back at old pictures of us, I don’t cry anymore. I find comfort in the fact that people change but memories don’t. Sometimes when those songs come on, I even smile and sing along. I hope you do, too.
Sincerely,Your Ex Best Friend