Day 1: Traveling, Badge Pickup, and First Impressions
The first day was filled with both excitement and nerves. In the span of eight hours, I would be 1,202 miles away from UConn. The Grace Hopper Conference, the largest women in tech conference, which was being held in Florida this year, would not only be the first-ever conference I would have the opportunity to go to, but would also be a step towards a potential full-time career.
After we landed and settled into our hotel, we went to the convention center to grab our badges and look around to familiarize ourselves with the space prior to the first official day. It was truly amazing to see so many women in tech in the same place. Coming from a school where STEM fairs are often male-dominated, I was taken aback to see so many women in a space that celebrates technology and STEM. It made me excited about what was to come, but also a little nervous. I didn’t know if I would feel intimidated being surrounded by so many women with similar or even more qualifications than I had, vying for the exact same software engineering positions that I desired.
Reflections of the Day:
I started the day excited about the opportunities and potential job offers I would get at this kind of conference, and ended the day feeling nervous and scared that I wouldn’t be as confident and willing to talk to recruiters as I wanted to be. I was surrounded by so many women, and while that should make me feel more powerful and make me feel more in control, I never felt more uneasy. Everyone wants what I want, and everyone is hoping for the same things that I am hoping for.
As women, we are sometimes made to feel that we cannot be weak or feel unsure, just to prove these stereotypes wrong. But it’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to lean into those feelings and use them to feel more powerful and confident in ourselves. We need to tell ourselves that we have nothing to lose by putting ourselves out there and talking to people because you never know what kinds of opportunities will arise if we do so. One of the girls I went on the trip with said it best.Â
“Keep your mind open and take every opportunity to talk to someone. Everyone is just as nervous as you are. What matters is that you are putting yourself out there despite that.”
– Nithila Annadurai
This is what I told myself as I went to bed that night, to make myself feel physically and mentally ready for the days that followed.
Day 2: The First Day of the Conference
The girls in the suite and I got up early in the morning and got ready as quickly as possible to get to the convention center before the official opening of the career fair. When we started walking to the career fair hall, all we saw were lines of people spanning across the area. We were in shock after hearing that the attendees started lining up at six in the morning for an expo that opened at 9 a.m. to guarantee themselves a spot in the front of the line of some of the more sought-after company booths.Â
When we finally got in, it was time to face the lines, fears and nerves I had the night before. Waiting in line for the first company honestly felt like the longest wait. As I came closer to the recruiter, I started overhearing the conversations that the women in front of me were having with her. Hearing them talk about their past experiences made me wonder if mine sounded as impressive, and hearing about their educational background made me wonder if my almost-finished undergraduate degree would compare.
When it was finally my turn, I gave my resume to the recruiter and started my own pitch. I told her about why I wanted to join the company, the position that I was looking into, and why I thought I would be a good fit. As she scanned over my resume, she did something that surprised me. She asked me if I had a piece of paper so that she could write her email down. While she wrote it down, I thought back to the pitches that I had overheard. I don’t remember her giving her email to any of the girls that were before me. She told me to contact her directly if I didn’t hear back from her within the following week because she believed I would be a great fit for the role. This encounter made me feel a new sense of relief and confidence in myself. It made me believe in my abilities in a way that I haven’t before. I was not only able to approach several more booths after, but I weirdly felt excited to talk to more recruiters in the hopes of more encounters like the first one I had.
After talking with a few more companies, I decided to go to the opening ceremony at around noon. The ceremony took place on the main stage, a huge room with at least six projectors scattered around so that everyone could see and hear the speaker on stage.
The Opening Plenary, as it was called, talked about women in tech, and how it was important for us to make our voices heard and to make a difference within the tech space. The most impactful part of the opening was when the main speaker said:
“Don’t let them embrace what we have done. You could be writing a blog or running for office. You could also be telling the men in your life exactly how badass you actually are. TURN UP THAT VOLUME! Because literally, we cannot be loud enough.”
These words were both impactful and inspirational, and I heard them loud and clear.Â
My suitemates and I ended off the day going to a Gen She Meetup that was taking place in an eatery known as The Pub Orlando. This meetup was hosted by Avni Barman, the founder of Gen She, an organization whose main initiative is to propel Gen Z women to be the future founders, leaders, and builders of tomorrow. After hearing about her experience starting her own company, and about her past experience at Grace Hopper, it made me hopeful that my experience would be the same. After this meeting, I told myself that I would make the most of this opportunity to be a part of this celebration for women and technology.
Reflections of the Day:
I gained something really special on this day. I gained a new sense of confidence in myself. When I think back to this day, I actually am surprised by how open and willing I was to talk with company recruiters. Every time I attend a UConn career fair, I shy away so easily, afraid of what recruiters might say and what they will think of me. But I think this day specifically showed me that it doesn’t matter what they say and what they might think. What actually matters is that we put our best foot forward in every conversation we have and lean into the fears that we may hold. I never would have made the connection I did with that first recruiter if I stood on the sidelines watching people come and go. I had to be a part of it, and I am glad that I did what was scary and ultimately overcame that step to help me gain the connections I have now.
Day 3: Hmmm, there’s a lot of men here!
After overcoming the initial day of nerves, the second day honestly felt like a breeze. I had the chance to talk to around eight company recruiters about full-time positions and new grad roles that they were offering. After getting through the first hurdle, each pitch and interaction with recruiters felt more seamless and comfortable. I think a large part of that comfort was due to my change in mindset. I started focusing on using this experience to learn and grow, rather than solely for the purpose of gaining a job offer. This switch helped take off some of the pressure I had put on myself and made me feel more relaxed and ready for each interaction I had.Â
While I waited in numerous lines throughout the day, I did notice, however, the enormously large amount of male participation at the conference. I looked around and saw men talking with recruiters, attending speaker sessions and workshops, as well as getting in line for the free swag some companies were giving out. I remember thinking to myself, “Isn’t this a women/non-binary in tech conference?,” “Were men even allowed to apply to come here?.” While in that exact moment I tried not to read too much into it, when my suitemates and I finally got back to our hotel, we found out that there was about a 40/60 ratio of men to women this year.
While their numbers were still small in comparison to women and non-binary attendees, their presence at the conference was made known to all the women who attended. Each day, the Grace Hopper group chats would flood with messages from women attendees talking about how they were shoved by self-identifying men who were trying to cut in front of them to get interview slots from recruiters. There were messages questioning the true initiatives of the conference, if men were so easily able to make their way into a space that is supposed to celebrate and empower women. It got to the point where the president of the AnitaB organization (the main organization that runs the conference each year) put out a statement saying that while they understood how we were feeling, they were not able to prohibit men from coming to the conference without it qualifying as discrimination. Even after the organization tried to regulate the behavior of some individuals desperate for job offers, the main marginalized groups that this conference aimed to empower and help still felt overrun and overshadowed by the overwhelming number of male attendees.
Reflections of the Day:Â
Around a week after the conference finished, Avni Barman wrote a blog post about these issues, entitled “The Tea of GHC 2023…”. Here she mentions how many of these cis men who attended claimed to be non-binary in order to attend the conference and take up the limited resources that were particularly meant for women and actual non-binary individuals. It honestly saddens me how men were able to take away what was meant to be a special moment for women and non-binary people in tech. I wanted this experience to really be an influential and special moment for me, and while it has been in many ways, this issue definitely took away from that feeling. While I personally did not experience any of the issues that were present within the article as well as talked about by other participants, I still felt like this issue needed to be addressed and I am glad that the AnitaB Organization took the steps to acknowledge how we, as women and non-binary individuals, felt and were treated. This acknowledgment will hopefully help return the conference to a point where inclusion and diversity are encouraged and celebrated each and every day, rather than torn down.Â
Day 4: Women and Non-binary Individuals Will NOT be Silenced
The fourth day of the conference started off a little differently than the others. While my group of suitemates expected to spend the morning talking to the last of the recruiters and companies that we didn’t have a chance to talk to the days before, we instead spent the morning in a massive line waiting to be let into the career expo. While in line, we heard that the security team was trying to control the flow of people inside of the expo due to numerous complaints from attendees. We asked around and found out that a few of them had been waiting in line for about an hour just to get in to talk with recruiters. As more groups of people went in, we figured that none of them would leave the expo, knowing they would have to re-enter the line if they wanted to go back. This would only mean that lines would return to their normal length, and it would be as if no measures were taken to overcome these underlying issues of the conference this year.
When we finally were able to get into the expo hall, we decided to just make the most of the remaining time that we had and visit companies that we really wanted to visit. After talking with a few other recruiters, I decided to visit the mural at the center of the conference hall, right near the AnitaB booth. The painting was created by mural artist, Olivia Stafne. She had started it on the day the conference began and was finishing it up on the last day.
Every time I passed the AnitaB booth, I watched as she planned, stenciled, and painted a masterpiece that really encompassed what the conference this year felt like and what it was meant to be.
The women/non-binary individuals on the ends represent the years of silencing that women have faced within technological spaces. Women often are made to feel insignificant when we are sharing our ideas and thoughts. As a student, I see this every day. Whether it be in my classes or in group projects, I am usually the only woman, and it takes twice the effort for my voice to be heard and for my message and ideas to be conveyed loud enough for the men around me to really hear. The woman in the center of the mural represented ripping off that tape over our mouths and having the ability to speak our minds and make our ideas known. We even got to see this at the conference, when women started speaking out about how they were feeling with the male participation and about how they are treated in the tech space — a space that is meant to be inclusive of all individuals. The speaker at the closing ceremony for the conference summed up this masterpiece and the woman at the focal point of the mural in the best way.
“Live out loud in living color, in fullness and perhaps most importantly in truth. In your truth. It was a bold, colorful, positive statement she’s made, that lives. And now, it’s that moment to rip the tape off our mouths that others might want to see. Our words… help shape our world, our thoughts, our experiences, and our interactions. We need to hear this loud and proud, not just from each other, but from our own mouths:
I am the way forward. YOU are the way forward. DIVERSITY is the way forward. EQUITY is the way forward. INCLUSION is the way forward. WE are the way forward.”
Reflections of the Day:
“We are the way forward.” This was the main message of this conference, this mural, and of this entire experience for me. No matter how much tape is put over our mouths, we need to break free of it, and show every single person that we can make a difference and that we will make a difference. This painting was truly an amazing piece, not only due to how dedicated and committed the artist was to express this message through her craft, but also because it made every part of this experience mean something more to me. At the end of the day, I am a part of a community of people who want to be heard and want to be known, and I hope that we as a community will work towards a greater change so that the tape comes off once and for all, and never goes back on again.
Day 5: Going Home and Final Reflections
While sitting on the plane to get back home, I remember reading a quote on my friend’s tote bag that really stood out to me. It said,
A ship is meant to be let out to sea, not kept in a port its entire life. We, as women, are meant to go out there, make a difference, and find each of our final destinations wherever that may be.
Final Reflections:
While Grace Hopper had its ups and downs, each day taught me something different. On the day we arrived, I learned that I shouldn’t be afraid of putting myself out there. On the actual first day, I learned to be confident about my abilities and about the skills that I can bring to a company, even if my resume doesn’t seem as impressive as others. The second day taught me that men will always be there to try and silence us and try to take opportunities away from us unless we talk about it and speak out about how we feel and how we can change this in the future. The final day taught me that we are the way forward, and that true change starts with us taking the tape off our mouths and not letting anyone put that tape back on us again.
Each day helped shape my perspective and my experience in the best way possible and I never want to take a single moment of this conference for granted. Even though I did not end up receiving a job offer from the conference itself, I felt like I gained personal growth and personal achievement, which in my opinion, is a far greater reward.Â
