UConn’s Most Embarrassing Hook Ups

UConn students were asked to post their funny or embarassing hook up stories anonymously. Here are some of the responses we got for this first edition of UConns Most Embarrassing Hook Ups. Get ready to laugh and enjoy!

• “I started my night at Thirsty’s and woke up next to an engaged man. Oops.”
• “This guy tried to feel me up with a cast on his hand… It did not feel good, its actually hurt and was plain awkward.”
• “This past Halloween, I hooked up with a guy from Tinder. I recently hit up the app again and found his older brother. Needless to say, they’re real Eskimo brothers now, and they don’t even know it!”
• “I had just started talking to this guy and finally went home with him. I threw up a little in his bed after the bar then passed out. We still hooked up in the morning.”
• “Last semester, I didn’t think my boobs look that good in a dress. To fix the issue, I just put another push up bra on top of my push up bra.. I ended up going home with a guy. When we got down to business, it was dark so it was pretty easy to just quickly unclip my own bras and take them off before he noticed. When I was getting dressed in the morning, he handed me all of my clothes.. but there was only one bra in the pile. I couldn’t find the other bra anywhere but I really didn’t want to leave it behind. SoIi awkwardly had to ask him to find my SECOND bra and then explain to him why I was wearing two. #embarassing”

• “I hooked up with my best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend (confusing, I know) in a laundry room and I unknowingly called him by his brother’s name the entire time. Make sure you know who you’re hooking up with before you say something you regret!”

• “Freshman year, I hooked up with a guy right after Halloween and it ended super awkwardly. For the next 3 years, I proceeded to see him on a weekly basis because he lived near me (North/Busby, lived across the hall from me in South, lived in the building next to mine in Hilltop). It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t a drunk idiot every time I talked to him.”

• “After finally getting up the courage I hooked up with this kid that lived in my building one night before winter break. We had been hanging out in my room with a couple of friends watching TV before the rest of them left. So then clothes were shed and things were getting pretty hot and heavy when all of a sudden he starts laughing. I’m completely confused and ask him what happened. He says nothing so we continue. Two minutes later he’s laughing again and I catch him looking across the room. While we were hooking up I realize he was watching f***ing Family Guy the entire time on mute. Family Guy. Really?”

• “My freshman year I walked back with this guy to my dorm and we started hooking up and I wouldn’t have sex with him so he started jerking off in my bed while we were making out. I never talked to him after that.”
• “I went to a date function and got super drunk, ended up throwing up in the same stall as my date who I haven’t talked to since.”
• “This was Halloween last semester. Met this girl at a party and we hit it off, flirting back and forth. She comes back to my place with me and we start to make out before the door even closes. We are down to our underwear and I go to reach for her panties, when out of no where she pulls up and says, “WOAH!!!!………..What are you doing? I have a boyfriend!”…. I was speechless. Literally had no idea what to say to her. I just told her to leave. F***ing weirdo.”
• “I had been dancing with this guy all night and he wanted to bring me back to his room. So I went back and he said he was going to put some music on to “help set the mood”. He put on Sugar Ray. I left before he even turned around.”

• “He asked me to draw words on his back with my finger, and have him guess what I wrote… just like his Mom use to do to him.”
• “So one night I was on Facebook at 2am one Saturday and this kid I had met a few times messaged me asking me to come over. I obliged mostly because I was bored and my roommate was already asleep. When I got there I could tell he was very drunk but he confessed he was hoping to hook up which I was more than happy to go along with. As we are hooking up he goes down on me for like an hour straight and it was freaking amazing. Naturally I wanted to return the favor so I went to make a move and he didn’t seem too excited which I thought was weird but he eventually let me get his pants off. And oh my god. The smallest dick on earth. It was the size of my pinky in width and length. I tried really hard to get him up and it was completely limp even after 10 minutes of straight sucking. I felt so awkward but he didn’t seem to care when I stopped. I wanted to leave but he wanted me to stay over. In the morning he walked me back to my dorm and I never saw him again…..And he un-friended me.”
• “I hooked up with a very bony guy, and the next day, I woke up to bruises from his body leaning strongly into my thighs.”

• “My first experience hooking up with a “hot” college guy ended up being horrible. He was no doubt in my mind a virgin.. he didn’t know how to finger me but wanted to jump right into having sex. #Awkward”
• “This guy I was friends with texted me and wanted to hang out like we used to just really casual our relationship had never been anything more than just friends. We smoked a bowl and were just hanging out watching tv and he asked if could try something and kissed me. I wasn’t super into it but I went along figuring I’d get into the mood. Eventually he went down on me and I hadn’t thought much of it but I had just finished my period… sort of. He didn’t say anything we continued hooking up and he finished really quickly (maybe on purpose). He made like he was really embarrassed and left right after. We never talked again thankfully.”
• “While I was waiting for my hook up to show up at my dorm, 10 friends from my building stood outside with me waiting for him and proceeded to introduce themselves, one even said he was my cousin (he was not). Needless to say the guy I was hooking up with was took it like a champ and thought it was funny.”
• “It was a clear April night, much like tonight, and I was a young, daringly ambitious sophomore girl at her first paint party. It’s important to understand the series of events that amplified the ludicrous antics of this night. It was my first real Spring Weekend at UCONN and I was feeling a sense of beginner’s luck. It was also the first time that I’d ever drank Grey Goose so I had no concept of nice alcohol. I was young, dumb, and had no idea that half a bottle of Grey Goose in less than an hour was really too much for my 5’3” frame. But anyways, there I was covered in paint dancing with my best friend. My inner Mother Grey Goose was overwhelmed by a stroke of genius – let me take my top off. So there I was now with my top off, dancing in gym shorts and a neon Victoria’s Secret bra that was two sizes too small. Hot, right? Wrong. I was a total sloppapotamus. I was sweaty and wet with a frat house paint concoction of corn starch, food coloring, and the tears of freshman pledges. I could sense that hundreds of miles away my dad was subconsciously tossing and turning in his sleep with disappointment. But for a good hour I danced my heart out. So much so that one of the frat brothers asked me to dance on the speaker. I took my hot-mess show on the road and you bet I got right up on that speaker. For the rest of the party I danced on that speaker like a stripper whose rent was due. On three separate occasions, three separate guys came up to me and asked me to either dance or go home with them. I couldn’t be convinced. I was having the time of my college life. Drunk, precariously perched on a speaker and displaying my lack of talent for dozens of people to see. But then, a knight in Banana Republic skinny pants emerged from the crowd, not a speck of paint on him and he yelled to me over the booming house music “I want to take you home and I want to buy you Wally’s.” I would’ve married the boy on the spot. He took me back to his room in Garrigus and we sat on the couch and watched Dodge Ball while he fed me Wally’s. Literally dipped the puds in the honey mustard and put them in my mouth, all while Vince Vaughn was on the TV. Then we boned, it was sub-par, and I snuck out into the dawn before anyone could see me covered in paint, mascara down my face, and dignity nowhere near intact. And that ladies and gentleman is the story of how sophomore year me sold her body for puds and chicken bits.”