So, you’ve taken the leap into college life, and now you’re faced with the daunting task of sharing your space with a complete stranger. Living your best life in a shared dormitory? We hear you. That’s the shared college experience for all of us!
We all know of wonderful roommate stories like Monica and Rachel and Chandler and Joey from Friends; Jess, Nick, Schmidt, and Winston from New Girl; Jane and Sutton from The Bold Type; Sheldon and Leonard from The Big Bang Theory; and Leighton, Kimberly, Bela, and Whitney from The Sex Lives Of College Girls. Despite their differences, they simply clicked! Although, if you’ve watched the film The Roommate and are terrified of what is to come, all I can say is hope for the best! It won’t (fingers crossed) get that bad.
With a background in navigating diverse personalities from 12 years in boarding school, I’ve learned that your best friend might not be your ideal roommate. It’s not just about catching good vibes; it’s a complex equation of personality, daily habits, work-life goals, preferences, tastes, social cues, aesthetics, and emotions.
We’ve all heard the roommate horror stories — eviction requests and struggles to adjust due to differences. But on the other hand, we’ve also heard some heartwarming tales of lifelong friendships. With the housing and roommate selection season upon us, it’s time to choose wisely. Avoid the fate of feeling like a divorced couple forced into close quarters!
Embarking on this roommate journey, keep in mind the golden rule: Do unto others as you’d have them do to you. Manage your space responsibly — take out the trash, organize your laundry, and maintain cleanliness. Share the workload fairly, and be ready to put in extra effort when needed. If your roommate is under the weather, lend a helping hand — clean their side of the room or take out the trash.
When searching for a roommate, prioritize compatibility. You don’t need to be best friends, but genuine liking is crucial. Consider deal breakers and anything that gives you the “ick” factor. Be sure that you and the potential roommate(s) have aligned priorities and that your wants and needs overlap and intersect like math sets! Wednesday Addams and her polar opposite best friend/roommate Enid may have worked, but that doesn’t mean it’ll work for you as well. It’s similar to finding a romantic partner — identify red flags, expect challenges, and realize that the worst-case scenario isn’t as bad as it seems.
Living with someone clueless or overly intentional? Not ideal. Living with a party animal or a people person while you are an introvert who likes to stay in? Not ideal. Find someone with whom you can set strong and healthy boundaries — a challenging task whether it’s a stranger or a close friend. Personality match is key; ensure you feel safe and comfortable with your chosen roommate. Compatibility must exist for both of you to coexist in peace. From doing your own thing in comfortable silence to fun movie nights with some friends as guests to being a supportive friend if the other is sick.
Who you live with is going to affect you knowingly and unknowingly. An article in the New York Times talks about how feelings are contagious and how your feelings can have an effect on your roommate. “Each happy friend a person has increases that person’s probability of being happy by nine percent and each unhappy friend decreases it by seven percent.” In college, especially during the first months, many students do things out of peer pressure. So, going out with a circle of friends that don’t have the same wants from college as you can have bad side effects. Choose with caution.
People come from diverse backgrounds, so respect those differences. Topics like race, religion, upbringing, language, etc. should not pose problems. If something doesn’t align with what you’re looking for, speak up. While on the hunt for that perfect roommate, remember to bring your A-game too. Be sure to ask the right questions. Play some fun games beforehand that will help you discover more about them. Use social media like Instagram and Facebook to connect with different people. Try finding people with similar interests or living in Learning Communities. Learning Communities or LCs are a great way to find people related to your major and interests. Be honest and open when filling out your roommate profile application. You will most likely be discovering college as a freshman with your roommate for a major part of the first few days. Choosing someone you vibe with and can communicate with is necessary. Establish ground rules — for example, no guests after 8 p.m., no loud music on weekdays — and stick to them. Cherish and enjoy this shared living experience; your privacy will be shared, and so will your life during that time.
Adjusting to a new living situation can be challenging, so be kind, friendly, and mindful of your actions. Communicate openly about the importance of personal space and alone time. Be clear, be considerate, and make this shared living experience one for the books!
Congrats and welcome to college life Class of 2028! It’s going to be a fun ride!