Happy April Fools Day, collegiettes! In honor of this special day, I’ve co-authored this article with a very special guest writer: University President Bruce Harreld!
APRIL FOOLS! Did we get ya? Now that we’re in the spirit, read on for some prank ideas, especially for University of Iowa students!
1. Tell your friend he can get a free burrito at Panch if he does the Macarena (or some other embarrassing act) while ordering.
Difficulty: 1 out of 5 Herkies
Meanness: 1 out of 5 Jerkies
“I don’t know why they haven’t advertised this. Must be because they don’t want the lines too long.”
For this one to work, you’ll have to convince your friend that you’ve heard of the deal from a very reliable source other than social media, and you’ll have to account for the reason no one else knows about this deal. This sounds difficult, but it should work for your most gullible and uninhibited friend.
2. Call your parents and tell them your future career is a full-time Herky mascot.
Difficulty: 1 out of 5 Herkies
Meanness: 2 out of 5 Jerkies
“Mom, Dad, I know I’ve wanted to be a doctor since preschool, but once I tried on that Herky head, I just saw the world from a whole new point of view.”
Depending on how convincing you are, the meanness of this could be anywhere from 1 to 3 Jerkies, considering your parents can see your U-bill every month, and you’re now telling them you’re throwing the education they paid for away to dance in a bird costume on football fields. To make this extra convincing, look up and cite the salaries of mascots for pro leagues and borrow some points from the “college athletes should be paid” argument and apply it to the art of mascot.
3. Wake your roommate up from a nap and tell them there are chicken fingers (or some other seldom treat) in the dining hall.
Difficulty: 1 out of 5 Herkies
Meanness: 3 out of 5 Jerkies
“I just checked the menu and Hillcrest has chicken fingers so we have to go right now. You know how that line gets.”
Watching your roommate’s face fall after walking into the dining hall to discover her favorite treat isn’t there might just be too heartbreaking to bear. This prank earns 3 Jerkies because messing with a college girl’s nap is no joke.
4. Tell your friend there is a “What Used to Be Cool” themed party at Union (or another bar or house party). Watch them show up in Crocs and a PowerPuff girls T-shirt from fifth grade.
Difficulty: 1 out of 5 Herkies
Meanness: 3 out of 5 Jerkies
“Come on, it’ll be fun. I’m wearing clip-in colored extensions and Silly Bandz.”
Hopefully, your friend will go all out for this theme. Silly Bandz can be removed, but watching her squeak up to the bar in rubber Crocs will be hilarious.
5. Replace all of your friend’s University gear with Iowa State gear.
Difficulty: 5 out of 5 Herkies
Meanness: 3 out of 5 Jerkies
“Um, when did you join the Dark Side? When were you planning on telling me?!”
This one is definitely difficult to pull off. A roommate who is out of the room for long periods of time, whose main wardrobe staple is something (anything) Hawkeye-emblazoned, and who is a really good sport is the perfect target for this.
6. Pretend to drop or throw your friend’s phone in the river. Use a rock for a realistic splash.
Difficulty: 3 out of 5 Herkies
Meanness: 5 out of 5 Jerkies
“Whoops.”
This will only work if you can get over the anxiety of holding a phone on the bridge, which takes near superhuman levels of self-assurance. You must also be prepared to follow that “phone” into the river when your friend turns into the Hulk and rage-throws you off the bridge.
7. Hand out flyers with your friend’s embarrassing selfie on the T. Anne Cleary Walkway.
Difficulty: 5 out of 5 Herkies
Meanness: 5 out of 5 Jerkies
“Do you guys support, um… having a president, or… something? Here just take this flyer. FTK!”
This one is a life-ruiner based off of a particularly scary dream I once had. Perform at your own risk.
So prank away, Hawkeyes, but always remember Hawks Help, not Hurt, Hawks. Have a safe and silly April Fools Day from Her Campus!