We’ve all seen it, we’ve all heard it, and maybe you’ve even been accused of it: The ubiquitous “Mean Girl” stereotype. You know? The idea that women are innately deceitful, alienating, competitive, petty gossips in their female friendships. It is so omnipresent in media that a plethora of movies and TV shows are based solely around this stereotype: “Mean Girls,” “Gossip Girls,” “Bring It On,” “Legally Blonde,” “House Bunny,” “Easy A,” and “Bridesmaids,” just to name a few. Obviously, this stereotype is not flattering of women in the least. A change in narrative is way overdue.
These sorts of actions that are stereotypical of the “Mean Girl” persona—secret telling, isolation, emotional manipulation, jealousy, etc.—are behaviors of relational aggression. As defined by psychology, relational aggression is the use of non-physical actions with the intention of hurting individuals in social contexts (Ostrov, 2013). The real stinger, however, is that relational aggression is a learned behavior, particularly through media and societal observation. The real life implication is that we are teaching young girls to become the clichéd “Mean Girl.” Even worse, our society makes it seem like girls are inherently mean, and therefore, it gives permission and makes it seem okay to be catty and back-stabbing. Much in the same way that saying “boys will be boys” excuses a bevy of unacceptable and inappropriate behaviors for males, blanket statements that “girls are mean” justifies toxic and destructive female social behaviors. GIRLS ARE NOT INHERENTLY MEAN. Rather, we’ve created a social context that encourages and allows girls to be mean by making it socially acceptable for them to do so under pretenses that such behaviors are “natural”.
In the media, there are plenty of examples of the “Mean Girl” stereotype being reinforced. Commonly heard phrases like, “I only hang out with boys because there’s less drama!” or the common descriptor of female friends, “frenemies,” all strengthen the false notion that girls are naturally cruel and illusive. Luckily, there are ways to be a part of the solution, rather than highlighting the “Mean Girl” typecast. As the author of “Bad Feminist” writes, “A lot of ink is given over to mythologizing female friendships as curious, fragile relationships that are always intensely fraught. Stop reading writing that encourages this mythology” (Gay, 2014).
Her meaning goes beyond writings that encourage the mythology. Don’t say things that remove responsibility of women for their toxic behaviors. Don’t share or retweet posts that explicitly state or implicitly suggest that women are innately malicious. Don’t behave in ways that enhance the perception that women are cruel and inept friends. Instead, use your behavior to combat false narratives about “Mean Girls.” Choose to only enhance the positive and more accurate examples of female friendships, like Meredith and Cristina from “Grey’s Anatomy” or Monica, Phoebe and Rachel in “Friends.” As alluring as negative clichés of female behavior may seem in popular movies or on TV or even in social media posts, they only slow women down.