Valentine’s Day is coming up, and we all know that this is the perfect time of year to celebrate love (or your new purse that you gifted to yourself if you’re your own Valentine this year, we don’t judge). Everyone is talking about it, but what no one is talking about is that sometimes we find ourselves with a Valentine that isn’t a perfect match. Domestic violence is such a prevalent issue in our society, but so often we choose to view relationships with rose colored glasses, pardon my pun, especially when it comes to Valentine’s Day.
However, for a minute I’d like to take off the glasses and celebrate Healthy Relationships Week with you instead of Valentine’s Day. Don’t get me wrong, a guy that buys you chocolate is amazing, but I want to focus on a guy that supports you emotionally. I want to gush over a man who trusts you and respects you as his partner. I don’t want to celebrate a handsome prince coming to my rescue. I want to talk about a significant other who fights fair when he argues. Now is the perfect time, since in addition to cupid’s favorite week of the year, February 8-12 is Healthy Relationships Week! So, I asked five Alpha Chi Omega’s at our university, whose philanthropy is Domestic Violence Intervention, what love means to them in a healthy relationship. This is what they said…
Love is ACCEPTANCE. Being in a relationship with someone should mean that you are free to be yourself with someone. They will take you in your truest form and not judge or get angry when you speak your mind.
Love is KINDNESS. Everyone deserves to receive tenderness, respect and kindness from their partner. Sure, joke around and poke fun with your significant other, but if at the end of the day they don’t have a deep, sensitive appreciation for you and give you the kindness you deserve, then maybe it’s time to consider how healthy your relationship is. There is a difference between joking around and mean, hurtful statements made by a partner, even though they are sometimes hard to see. At its roots, love is about caring for someone and recognizing how beautiful and deserving they are.
Love is GOOD LISTENING. I think in any relationship, being able to gab with your partner about the most irrelevant nonsense is essential, but more important is the ability to buckle down at the end of the day and talk about what really matters. Being in a relationship is a commitment to caring and being a little more selfless. Even if you don’t necessarily agree, or if you had a great story you wanted to share, or if you don’t really care about how much the lady in line at Starbucks pissed off your partner, a healthy relationship is about stepping back and hearing whatever it is your partner feels they need to tell you. What is important to you should be important to them and vice versa.
Love is BEING THERE FOR SOMEONE. Everyone goes through tough times, and these tough times show you who really has your back and supports you. Being in a good relationship is all about being someone your partner can count on, and they should do the same for you. When things take a turn for the worse, you should be able to tell your partner about it without feeling shameful or like they don’t care. If your significant other isn’t bothered by the things that upset you or doesn’t make an effort to show empathy or support, that’s a big red flag. Everyone deserves someone they can turn to when the going gets tough, and the best kind of partner is always there.
Love is COMMUNICATION. Your partner should be someone that you trust, and that you are comfortable with. So often in unhealthy relationships, an abused partner will feel that they can’t come to their significant other with problems or talk about what is wrong with their relationship because doing so is a danger to them. But your partner should be someone that you can come to with any problem, and you can sort it out in a reasonable, calm manner.
In conclusion, the best thing we can do to support healthy relationships is to participate in them and be aware. Focus on making sure that your relationships with others are supportive, communicative and overall positive. Domestic violence happens, unfortunately, but by knowing a little bit about it, we can combat the silence on this topic. First of all, domestic violence can happen to anyone. It doesn’t matter your race, gender, age or income; anyone could be a victim. One in four women will be a victim of domestic violence, but men are also victims of nearly 3 million assaults in the US. Secondly, it is never the fault of these victim. Never. Third, most cases are never reported. Domestic violence is a particularly ugly crime for the victims, causing shame and feelings of worthlessness, and most victims never report the abuse. Let’s change that. Awareness and validation of victims’ stories can create a more welcoming culture. LOVE IS recognizing domestic violence and putting an end to it.
Happy Healthy Relationships Week!