Modern Love:

Girls everywhere on campus gossip about this, obsess over this, question this. It is that small little thought that takes a on a greater form that weaves into your brain, follows you to the library, bothers you during your psych test, upsets you at the mall. It is the question that every girl, no matter what situation she may be in, wonders: What are we?

College relationships are tricky. They are messy. No longer is it the ‘50s where you know you are going steady with Ken from chemistry just because he grabbed your hand during a movie.
Now are the days of free love, where hooking up and hanging out are what we do. There are no rights and wrongs. No set rules. Most are like free-for-alls. Yet, here is the problem collegiettes: we as females pretend we don’t care if our boy is hooking up with other girls or checking out for the weekend with his bros, but in reality, we do; we want to know where we stand.  

With all the gray areas that are surrounding us, it’s almost impossible not to wonder subconsciously if you were just his booty call, or if there really is “somethin’-somethin’” going on between the two of you.
What you really need to do is define your relationship because with guys, you are just never what they are thinking, if they are just plain dumb, or actually tools.

Find out what your boy’s definition is below!

Drunk hook-ups that when sober are just awkward: Fun while drunk, unbearably awkward sober. You have that boy that you are crushing on, and it seems perfect! You found someone who parties at the same places you do, who knows how to have a good time, and who is a great conversationalist whenever there is alcohol nearby. Spending the night at his place becomes a pattern, and he always treats you with kindness in the morning by offering food or a ride home. This all seems perfect…yet when the two of you are completely sober, you both act like you’ve never talked to someone that’s the opposite sex in your life.
Soberly, you don’t know if you can let the “cat out of the bag” that you are crushing on him. You don’t know if you are just a drunk hook-up. There are a heck of a lot of “I don’t knows” and you feel as if you are stuck in a
rut of drunk nights.

Sober Sample Text Conversation of trying to break the habit
You: “Hey, sorry if I was a little sloppy last night!”
Him: “Yeah, you were pretty bad lol”
You: “Let me make it up to you by buying you coffee or something!”
Him: “It’s okay! You really weren’t that bad!”
You: “Well, I still feel bad! Can’t I just buy you a coffee tomorrow so I don’t feel so guilty?”
Him: “Ha, seriously, you were fine last night! Don’t worry about it!”
You: “lol okay”

Solution: Don’t let this discourage you. Men these days honestly don’t understand a hint when it directly hits them in the face! It is already a step that you texted him sober, so if you are determined to move forward in your relationship, just be more forward and up front next time to see if he lives up to your expectations. If you are blunt, he is able to take control of the situation, hence: ask you out.

Together, but not dating…: What? Right now, you are both basically boyfriend and girlfriend: he takes you out on dates; you have movie nights; you text every day. Only one thing is missing- the label. There’s an unwritten, and sometimes unspoken agreement that the two of you won’t hook-up with other people, yet what happens if one of you breaks this agreement? No repercussions can actually take place because the two of you aren’t technically dating, which can be tricky. And, maybe, if you’ve been at it long enough, you need to have a real-talk with him to see where his head is.

One-night stands: Pretty straightforward…if you get with him once at 2am on a Friday and never hear from him again, chances are you were a one-time booty call—unless of course he lost his phone, your number, has a negative IQ, went home for the weekend…yeah, safe to say it was a one and done situation.
Repeated hook-up: Who doesn’t just want a make-out buddy to call whenever the feel a little frisky? These can be fun, if feelings aren’t mixed with the physicality of the relationship. This type of relationship allows you to see the guy as an object, and not actually as the breathing human being that he is!

Sample Conversation
You: “Midnight make-out?”
Him: “I’m down. My place.”
You: “See you soon.”

Super straightforward and to the point. This type of relationship only gets foggy when one of you starts falling for the other. If this happens, either run or be prepared to break a heart.
Friends with benefits: We’ve all seen the movie. You have that cute guy friend you want to hook-up with, but don’t want the whole emotionally sticky conversations that come along with dating, so you settle for this. Hooking-up is a given, so is being “friends.” This is pretty risky because it can ruin friendships. Just like in the movies, most likely, one of you with eventually fall for the other.

Sample Night
Coffee which turns into dinner which turns into his apartment which turns into video games which turns into a movie which turns into making out, etc.

Caution: If you 100% don’t see yourself dating this friend, avoid sleepovers. This causes cuddling=intimacy, which makes the whole friends part a little challenging. (For a guy’s take on this refer to the article Guy’s
Perspective: Friends with Benefits.

It’s on his terms: He only texts when he’s drunk or when he doesn’t have anything else to do. You always go to his place and it is always on his time. When you do go to his house, he seems super committed and acts like he is in a relationship with. However, when you aren’t there, he is MIA. If you text him first, he never responds till late at night. And, when he initiates it, it is always for you to come over and “shack.”

Solution: You are in dangerous grounds of getting your heart broken. Lay low for a while and see what happens. The ball is in his court.

Distant Long-distance:  You are in a long distance relationship, but you and him aren’t talking everyday on the phone, aren’t texting cute messages to each other, and no longer say, “I love you” when you hit end on a Skype date. Hint: Talk to him about it, if you want it to work. If not and you are losing interest and flirting with other boys, break-up and be free. No sense to keep yourself tied to a guy that is miles away.
Honeymoon phase: As an anonymous student said, “Seriously nauseating.” Sorry cuties if this is you, but really, get a room. The lovey-dovey, 24/7 stuff is getting annoying and gross. You know you’re this couple if you sleep in your own bed maybe once a week, would rather eat with him than catch up with your girlfriends, or clean his apartment for him, instead of your own.

Solution: Taking a break from him maybe twice a week to focus on yourself is probably for the best. Make sure you are balancing your life with friends, family, school, and “you” time. He’ll understand. Afterall, he is a dude! And, they need bro time, too!

College isn’t like high school. There’s a lot more freedom available here, and with freedom comes a lot more murky confusion that lies within relationships.

No longer is it so straightforward, where you see the other at their locker between fifth and sixth period. Now, it is this open-ended, mind-game that is somewhat misconstrued through the lack of communication and the casualness of hooking-up. Now, we do not just question if a relationship is going smoothly, we question what a relationship looks like, we question: what are we?
*all images are stock photos