Much like the ocean and the moon’s tides, our lives can be shifted, twisted, and turned in directions that our selves would never see coming. Like a budding root at the bottom of a stem, our beings are stretching and leaning towards the soil with the risk of covering unknown ground. Growing hurts. Whether we are unconnected with our friendships, aren’t in love with our partner anymore, or are craving a new geographical pin-point, stepping forward into uncharted waters of life is uncomfortable. I think of the emotions of these moments as our growing pains, as even if this change is extremely wanted, accepted, and fought for, the adjustment that our beings are experiencing causes emotional waves. No matter our age or stage in life, transformations occur, and I feel it is important for us to acknowledge safe ways for ourselves to settle into these new chapters.
I call to you to think of a moment in past years or of recent moments a period of time where you were adjusting: maybe it was adjusting to the pandemic, or how you don’t laugh or have the same fun as you used to with your high school friends. Whichever period you call upon, I want you to remember the uncertainty, the excitement to dive into something greater, the fear of failure, or the rush of emerging into a stronger ‘you.’ I have asked you to recall these emotions to heighten the understanding of the following tips and notions of how to allow these transitions to happen while taking care of your mental and physical self.
- Place trust in your truth
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Speaking your truth to others, as well as yourself, is a great level of self-respect. If something does not feel right, or if your gut is pulling you towards something, I urge you to investigate it. This does not mean being impulsive or putting yourself in harm, it simply means being in tune with your thoughts. How often do you think of this? In what moments does your gut tell you something doesn’t feel harmonious anymore? Our bodies know when our minds are uncomfortable in interactions with others or environments, and it’s our duty as owners of our own human bodies to respect our emotions and allow changes to happen that will positively serve us in the end.
- Know that greater things are in store for you
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Staring in the face of a life change is intimidating. In terms of life changes that include moving away from friendships or partners, know that moving away from people with whom you do not connect with anymore will leave you more connected with yourself, as well as the ability to form strong connections with others. If something is not giving you joy, excitement, wonderment, health, or mental-ease, you simply do not have to put up with it! I know I am not the only one who has struggled with friendship issues through middle school, high school, and let’s be real, life! When it comes down to it, we can not have a strong connection with each individual we cross paths with; we all are so diverse in what we value in friendships or what types of friendships we need in that given moment. It is scary to move away from individuals that you rely on for friendship. I have learned that it is better to have yourself as a whole, newly grown and continually-growing person than relying on individuals who do not make you feel good about yourself or your life. Greater connections and handfuls of people you have never met yet will be brought into your life; the key to access these things is to allow room for them and accept them when they arrive.
- If this new chapter is causing you sadness, try 24 hours of sadness, then move forward
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Life throws us situations that we don’t find anywhere near ideal: partner breakups, moving to a different location, transferring universities, or letting go of a friendship. A way I have found to balance with the sadness I am feeling and the need to move forward is allowing an allotted time to be fully, messily sad. For 24 hours (you can create an allotted sad-time that is custom to yourself and your situation: maybe it’s one hour or three days), I allow the feelings to thrive; I listen to emotional music, I lay in bed, I cry until tears aren’t flowing out anymore and I sink completely into this feeling. This is allowing my body and my mind to feel the emotions that are demanding to be felt.
After my allotted emotional-flood time, I release the sadness and the burden, and I decide that I am going to move forward and introduce feelings of gratitude, resilience, strength, perseverance, and peace.
It is now time to accept the new chapter, and live what unwritten path lies before you! This brings us to my next tip:
- Make a list of goals for this new chapter of your life
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Writing down your thoughts is crucial for working through feelings. This exercise not only allows you to do just that, but it allows you to create positive emotions and uplifting ideas on the wonderful things that a new start can give you. A change always has good and bad components, but focusing on the good components will serve you much better and allow you to grow!
Some questions to get you thinking when creating a list of goals for this new period in your life:
What do you want the next week to look like for yourself?
What are you grateful for today that you want to acknowledge every day?
What are you hoping for yourself in this new chapter?
What good things are coming out of this change?
What have you learned from this transition?
In your efforts to allow change in your life, I ask you to be kind to yourself, listen to your inner being, and choose happiness.
I wish all luck in their endeavors to choose better for themselves!