If I should have a daughter, I’d like her to know a couple of things that I had to learn the hard way. Wisdom from a mother – at this point – is usually accepted. Right?
1. Sleeping in that dorm bed for the first time will be inevitably unsettling.
You have finished unpacking and decorating, you figured out how the dining commons function alongside your new roommate, and now – after scarfing down those comfort cookies I made you – you’re about to brush your teeth and go to sleep in what is to be your bed for the next nine months. You can’t really get settled at first, and the position you thought was so comfortable in your old bed seems utterly impossible now. You’re sure that new mattress topper from Bed Bath and Beyond is to blame. It smells terrible. And who’s shouting like that at 1:00 in the morning? Although you remind yourself it’s just like sleeping in a hotel bed, there’s that little part of your brain that reminds you that this will be your home for the next nine months. Don’t worry. You’ll soon love it much more than your old bed at home.Â
2. It’s perfectly normal not to make friends with everyone immediately.
In every movie you’ve ever seen about college, everyone in the dorms exuberantly throws themselves into new friendships, greeting each person with a warm smile and kind words of welcome. It is true you may well meet your best friend(s) because they lived on the same floor as you during your first two semesters. Or not. You may only see the people living on your floor on simultaneous bathroom trips in the dead of night, where you smile awkwardly at each other as you silently wash your hands. Everyone’s college dorm experience is different. Don’t feel down on yourself for not meeting your platonic soulmate within the first week. Perhaps you should instead say hi to that girl with the cool laptop sticker who sits two seats away from you in Freshman Writing.Â
3. You must be the one to ask the important questions.Â
Sometimes the hardest thing in life is to admit you don’t know all of the answers, and ask for help. Yes, of course you want to be independent and automatically think you have all of the answers, because now that you have arrived at college, you’re basically an adult now, right? Unfortunately, it dawns on you that next semester’s course registration began five days ago – how did that escape you? You were so sure you had flagged that email in your inbox – and you have no idea what to do about that one class you had previously wanted to take, since it is now is completely full. When you finally are able to meet with your advisor, all of the questions you had meticulously planned to ask have vanished from your mind. You get up, about to leave, feeling as though you just have more questions than before. It’s alright. Take a deep breath. Sit back down and say, “Hold on, I’m sorry. I have some more questions. Please tell me everything you can, and expect that I know nothing.” There. You did it. You’ll probably have to do it again, sometime in the future, but that’s okay too.Â
4. Sometimes, staying in is better than going out.Â
It’s Friday night, and you’ve got nothing planned for the weekend. It’s refreshing. You’re considering going out with your best friends, but you’ve done that for the past three weekends in a row and spent all of the next day in bed, eating Oreos and watching cute animal friendship videos on YouTube. It’s going to be 20 degrees out tonight, and you really don’t feel like putting any more makeup on your face or straightening your hair. You’ve had an exhausting, long week, and all you want to do at this point is just get a warm meal and watch your favorite movies for hours. So you text your friends, wishing them all the best tonight, put on your warmest sweatshirt and head out to get that roasted vegetable quesadilla you’ve been craving since Wednesday.
5. It’d be nice of you to call your Mom once and a while.Â
I know you’re a busy girl. You’re balancing a whole new type of schoolwork, meetings with professors and advisors, hanging out with friends, and spending some well-earned, quality alone time. I know this is the first time you’re out in the world, doing most of everything yourself. You’re becoming a successful, driven and capable young woman. And I’m so proud of you. I’d love to talk to you about it. I might just be smarter than you think when it comes to this whole college thing. I was once a freshman too, remember?Â
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