Some students are scared to go abroad and take a leap outside their comfort zone. I definitely was but I also knew it would be the experience of a lifetime. I’m so glad I did. What people don’t talk about enough, however, is how anxiety-inducing it can be to go back to your home university after being abroad. From a more intense workload to feeling behind in your major, there’s a lot to overthink.
As I sit here in the fourth week of my fall semester back, I struggle as my classes and extracurriculars finally gear up around me. There was an excitement about being abroad that is hard to duplicate here at UMass. Relocating felt like freshman year all over again (minus the COVID-19 part.) There was so much to explore and so many new people to meet. I long for the joy of being able to do something new every day. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a senior at UMass and having my place and my people here, but I also feel old and sometimes bored. That’s why it is my new mission to do everything I’ve wanted to do here but never got around to. From exploring the design building, to finally seeing the Dr. Suess museum, I plan to do it all.
Let’s be real, impromptu adventures are great, but finding time to do it amongst a frenzy of work can be tricky. At least for me, my classes abroad were fairly easy. I’m done with most of my credits so I was even able to take classes like “Food and Wine Pairing,” and “Exploring Palaces of Italy.” Now that I’m back, I’m overwhelmed. To calm my nerves about being behind in my career path (which I’m really not but I get anxious) I’ve applied to internships and even enrolled in an independent study for which I made a really intense curriculum. Why I thought this was the best thing to do after a much-needed academic break is beyond me, but I will say it’s a rewarding feeling to feel like a productive student. If you’re in my same position just remember that you’ve done it before and you can do it again. The life skills you’ve learned abroad can actually make classes easier this time around if you put them to good use.
There are ways to keep the joy of being abroad alive though. My friends and I from UMass made really good friends during our time in Florence who go to the University of Vermont. As to not lose touch with them, we plan to visit them this November. This three-hour road trip and weekend with good people gives us something to look forward to. We even plan to make our favorite Italian dishes and go to a wine bar one night. It’s also customary abroad to dress nicely to go to all of your classes or even for small errands like going to the supermarket. I for one loved picking out outfits and feeling confident in the way I was dressing. It helps when your inside personality reflects on the outside. For this reason, I’ve chosen to continue with this process and wear cute outfits to my classes thus far. Maybe in the dead of winter, I’ll revert back to sweatshirts but for now, this helps me feel good about myself and feel more productive. You can keep the spirit alive in little ways like this without having to spend an arm and a leg to go back overseas.
It’s okay to feel sad. There’s a sense of nostalgia and heartache that comes from leaving such an amazing experience behind. It’s important to remember that those feelings push through because of the fun you had, and you should feel grateful for having that opportunity. The cliche “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened” rings true. More people relate to this depression than you realize. Everything from Instagram throwback posts of different countries to people like my cousin saying to me “I know, the transition back sucks” will validate this sadness. You don’t have to ignore it, but you have to use it to fuel your instincts of putting yourself out there in crazy situations again. Who would’ve guessed that I, the girl who’s scared of heights, would ever paraglide from the Alps? No one. But I would’ve regretted not doing it, and I look back on it with fondness and sentimentality. I will use this energy to rev myself up for my next “paraglide” situation in my college career and beyond.
It can be difficult adjusting to any new environment, but when your home base feels alien to you it can be even more alarming. The feeling will pass and you will settle back in but for now, it’s important to feel these emotions, find your groove, explore what made you feel joyful, and try to ground yourself. We will all get through this hump together.
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