Friendship Red Flags: How to Spot Unhealthy Dynamics Early On

Friendships are an essential part of our lives. They provide us support, joy and even a sense of belonging. However, just like other relationships in our lives, friendships can become toxic and unhealthy as well. Recognizing these unhealthy dynamics 一 or as we say today “red flags” 一 early on can prevent us from being too emotionally involved and getting hurt. We can also focus on friendships that are good for us instead of these toxic ones. Here are some warning signs to watch out for and how to address them timely. 

Consistent One-Sidedness 

A friendship should feel like a mutual exchange of emotions, support and effort. If you find yourself always being the one making plans, reaching out, or checking in on a bad day then that is definitely not mutual. Healthy friendships should have the correct balance of give-and-take. There obviously will be days where the other person needs you more and you need to give more than take, but that cannot become a pattern. If that is something that is happening, it is time to reassess your friendship. 

How to address: If you find a lack of effort from the other person, you should address it. Be sure to be calm and not come out as if you are accusing them. If things still don’t change, maybe it is time for you to reconsider your friendship. 

Excessive Criticism

It is normal for a friend to offer constructive criticism and be honest but constantly criticizing or passing rude comments about you is a major red flag. Healthy friendships offer encouragement and positivity. If your friend is constantly trying to break your confidence and make hurtful comments, it is time to distance yourself from them.

How to address: Pay attention to how their comments make you feel. If you feel your self-esteem dropping after interactions, have an honest conversation with your friend and let them know that their words hurt you. If they still continue this behavior, it is time to leave. 

Jealousy or Competition

Envy is a common emotion between human beings and feeling that towards your friend is a normal trait, but when this turns into constant jealousy and competition, it’s a red flag. A true friend celebrates your achievements and supports you to do better and get success. If a friend is frequently jealous of your achievements, relationships, or happiness, the friendship can become bitter. 

How to address: If your friend is being competitive and envious, discuss with them how you can be happy for each other’s victories. If this behavior persists, it is time for you to make better friends.

Overstepping or Undermining your Emotions

A healthy friendship involves mutual sharing and listening. However, if your friend constantly dominates the conversation, steers the focus back on themselves every time you’re talking about your life, or disregards your feelings or experiences, it is truly a huge red flag. This behavior would make you feel unheard and unimportant. You would feel like an audience for them to rant to rather than an equal member in the friendship. 

How to address: If you notice this behavior becoming a habit, try to discuss it with them and tell them you feel unheard. If they still do not acknowledge your feelings, this friendship is not worth staying for. 

Constant Drama

Some friendships are filled with drama, gossip and turmoil. While it is healthy and normal to have arguments and disagreements, a friendship should not feel like a rollercoaster. Healthy friendships should be easy and smooth. You do need not to have chaos everyday or have negativity surrounding you each time you have a conversation. This may indicate an unhealthy dynamic. 

How to address: If your friendship is filled with more drama than joy, you should evaluate and think if it is really worth all the emotional turmoil you go through. A healthy friendship should bring peace and comfort, not drama and negativity. 

Acting Differently Around Others

A true friend should be consistent on how they treat you, whether it is alone or in a group. If your friend’s behavior changes when other people are around –- like ignoring you, acting overly critical of you, trying to impress them and be more like them — it is a red flag. This behavior can make you feel less important and doubt the authenticity of your friendship. 

How to address: Observe behavioral patterns and how it shifts in a social setting. If you notice this happening constantly, talk to them and make them understand how they are making you feel. A true friend will acknowledge your feelings and will not let you feel left out even in a group setting. If this does not stop, it is worth evaluating if they’re prioritizing your friendship or using you for mere convenience. 

It is hard to find true and genuine friendships. Just because you are unable to find good friends does not mean you should be around people who will bring you down. It is completely okay to distance yourself from friends that are not bringing any joy to your life. Surround yourself with people who support you, uplift you and are more excited about your achievements than you possibly are. 

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