I don’t think anyone could blame me for this.
It’s not my fault I don’t know who I am. It’s not my fault I don’t know what I love or hate.
None of this is on me and honestly I don’t know who to blame.
I never really had the chance to focus on me and just me. Never really had the time to know what I could do and things I was scared of. Most days I feel like a ghost honestly; like I’m ‘living’ and watching life pass me by. I’m constantly feeling unaccomplished and useless. It gets to a point where I have no reaction or feelings in situations I’m expected to.
So how do I deal with this? How do I deal with the shit feeling I get every day?
I find things that make me happy (or at least try to)
But what else would you really expect me to do? Take a gap year and travel to an unusual place to ‘find myself’? Drop out of college and ‘chase my dreams’? Go for ‘deliverance’ in church?
Or just keep trying to find things that could turn a bad day semi better.
You should try it. Do know something you know could at least make you smile. If it’s staying on tiktok for half of the day, do it. If your mum asks, tell her I gave you permission :)
I don’t care if if it might waste your time because honestly your mental health comes first. Sometimes you just need a break and most times you deserve it.
But I can’t deny that sometimes I run out of things to make me stop feeling like s*** but here are some tips I started doing over the pas years:
(i) Occupy yourself.
If there’s one thing I know I’m good at, it’s the fact that I like getting a lot of things done. I like taking on things I know would stress me out and get me worked up. I get so busy I don’t even have time to think of the life I live and get worried (and plus I get a bunch of tasks done) :)
(ii) Surround yourself with smart people
Now I’m not saying go find friends to leach on and transfer your wahala to but I find that I feel very happy when my friends succeed. And most of the time their happiness actually makes my life better and I start to forget the problems I have. So I would advise to go find friends who have the name Trisha, Michelle, Esheza, Boluwatife, Cindy, Osa and Bryan. I promise you your life will be a hundred times better.
(iii) Understand that life’s hard
I’ve come to accept the fact that life’s a ***** and there’s nothing I can do about it. She just decides to continuously treat me like **** and I just sit and observe. She is not a very balanced individual and sometimes it’s hard to deal with. I know that she isn’t going to answer the questions I have so I just live for the moment; yes I just used a Ratatouille reference (crucify me). When I start to overthink and get in my feels a Declan McKenna track helps a lot.
I apologize for the lack of substance in this write-up. I’m currently going through it but life’s hard and I can’t do anything about it :)
NB: If you know me irl……………………no you don’t.
GLOSSARY: wahala (problems)
#ENDSARSNOW #ENDPOLICEBRUTALITY #ENDSARSBRUTALITY #PEACEFIRST
