The first time I stepped foot inside a gym was the summer of 2021. I didn’t know where the inspiration struck, but one day I woke up and knew I wanted to give it a go.
This summer I definitely experienced some really low lows. I didn’t want to fall back into old negative cycles and get into the habit of feeling stuck with no desire to get myself out of it. So every time I found myself falling into one of those slumps, I forced myself to go do something., to channel the negative energy into something distracting enough so that it dissipated by the time I was done.
I started to go for a run. And yes, I did the cardio of my own free will.
Very quickly I became addicted to the runner’s high. The burst of endorphins forced me out of my doom and gloom. A feeling of euphoria came with it that made me feel like nothing could stop me. After a good run, the thoughts in my head went silent.
It was a surefire way to help me focus, turn my negativity spiral around, and motivate me. The downside was that I pushed myself so hard. I ran to my limit, I was out of breath, exhausted, and dripping in sweat by the time I came back.
I realized I needed something that could give me that same sense of empowerment, but didn’t drain all my energy at the same time.
I always told myself I had much better things to do than go to the gym. I could write or read, or catch up on homework and nap. I was not the kind of girl who belonged at the gym. I belonged among library shelves stacked high with books, in the corner of a cozy cafe, in sweaters and heels.
I was never one for working out voluntarily. In fact, if you’d asked me to go two months ago, I would respond by saying, “I’d really rather not.” But my mindset has changed drastically.
I reached out to my friend whose parents were trainers at our local gym. She was immediately so excited to have someone to work out with. She took me under her wing, taught me how to use the machines, the best way to achieve my goals of losing weight, toning my body, and feeling good about myself. She encouraged me to keep going to the gym when my insecurities were threatening to take over.
When we first got there, I was definitely very out of my element. Uncomfortable, insecure, and very very nervous. I felt like everyone was going to know that I was out of shape and not a gym regular. But, as I followed my friend around like a lost puppy, I began to see the immediate effects that doing these exercises had on my mood. I felt like I was starting something important, like I was taking steps to better myself, and that felt really good. I know how intimidating starting to go to the gym can be. I used to be so worried about people watching and judging me, but I realized that people really do not care as much as I thought. Everyone was focused on their own workout and not on what I am doing.
Flash forward to the present where I now hit the gym a couple times a week. I continue to look up new workouts to incorporate into my routine and I’m consistent with what I do. I’m seeing changes in my body, my self-confidence, and my outlook. I find myself wanting to feel better when I’m sad, and I also find myself less sad in general. I can focus more easily, I am less distracted, and when I set goals for myself, I achieve them.
The gym became my own version of self care because it was the time I dedicated to myself entirely. From the moment I started to get ready, stretch, and begin my workout routine, I was in my own little world where nothing else mattered anymore. It was a space where I could depend entirely on myself and my efforts. The guy who wouldn’t respond to my texts or the big exam I had coming up suddenly became the least of my worries because I was able to mentally recharge. I could tackle my responsibilities with a clear mind.
The gym became the therapy I never knew I needed, and it changed my mental health in a way I plan on never letting go.
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