How To Be Okay With Being Alone: Growing Into Your Newfound Independence

For many of us who recently started college, our biggest fear was how to handle being on our own. We no longer had a set schedule with an assigned lunch and classes or a consistent day-to-day routine that we shared with thousands of other students for five days straight. As someone who thrives on solid structure and routine, this newfound independence I would have in college was definitely intimidating and overwhelming at first. In this article, I hope to help other students, like me, be comfortable and confident in their independence and find ways to productively and efficiently manage their own time. 

The first piece of advice people give to new college students is always to, “put yourself out there” in order to make new friends and “find your people.” While it’s great to step outside of your comfort zone and try to make new friends, I want to acknowledge that it isn’t always easy for everyone to just start meeting new people left and right, especially in an unfamiliar environment they may still be getting used to. While joining clubs and getting involved on campus is a great piece of advice and a great way to meet new people, it may be overwhelming for some.

Personally, I would like to stress the importance of simple things, like smiling at people passing by, asking someone how their day is going, or even giving a simple compliment. I think the best way to attract people is to be kind; you never know where starting a conversation with somebody can take you. Being kind to others and yourself is the best way to become confident and a great first step in being comfortable in a new environment. Try not to be preoccupied with the constant stress of “putting yourself out there.”

I know it may seem self-explanatory, but you should also learn how to manage your time well. Having complete control over your own schedule and being able to do whatever you want in your free time may seem great at first, but this is both a blessing and a curse. For someone like me who was used to going to the same four classes every day, the same practices or club meetings after school, going to bed, and then repeating it all the next day, I was overwhelmed with the amount of free time I had on my hands and deciding what to do with it.

I think the most important tool for managing my time is my planner; I like to write out exactly what I need to do for the day and highlight the most important tasks. I also like to write my classes and meetings by hand on a calendar that I keep on my wall so I can always see it. Many people like to use Google Sheets to organize their assignments or Google Calendar to organize their classes, club meetings, and other activities as well. Whichever way you prefer, I cannot stress enough the importance of keeping track of your tasks — it is so easy to forget an assignment when it’s hidden in the syllabus and your professor never mentions it, or to forget a meeting that you scheduled two weeks ago. 

The next piece of advice I can give to someone struggling with their newfound independence is that it is okay to do things alone. It may be easy to spend every waking hour with your roommate or new friend group, but it’s also important not to rely on them for comfort when completing your everyday tasks. Go to the dining hall or Rec Center by yourself. I promise you that no one cares that you are alone.

You do not need to be constantly surrounded by people if you need alone time. If you need to go on your phone or bring a book to occupy yourself, that’s okay, but sometimes it’s necessary to sit and just reflect on the day, your classes, your plans for the weekend, and how you’re feeling. These moments are so important amidst the stress and craziness that is college, and it is so easy to forget to take care of yourself. Go on walks by yourself while listening to your favorite songs. Go on a drive to get coffee, or take in the beautiful Amherst foliage. Just learn to be okay with being on your own. 

I know that these things are easier said than done and that college life is only going to get crazier. If you can establish solid habits at the beginning of your time at college, or even at the beginning of the year, they will definitely pay off in the long run — I promise.

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• alone time
• independence
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• time management