I have a little horror story about a recent occurrence at my local CVS. Now usually my trips to CVS are quick and standard, but this time things were very different. For starters, both self-checkouts were being occupied by two teen girls so I had to wait in the standard line, which was missing a cashier. Usually, in 99% of stores, there’s always a worker around, but not this time. As I waited, I hear a comment spoken near me “Hey, you’re really beautiful, not to be weird or anything.” I step as far away as I could, near the self-checkouts, but then he SAYS IT AGAIN. At this point I realize I have two options. I can leave and hope he doesn’t follow me out, or I can scream for help and pray that I don’t get hurt. I turned myself around and saw this musty, late twenties-looking man. Before I could register what I was saying, I found myself yelling “YOU CAN GO F*CK YOURSELF … LEAVE ME ALONE, I DON’T KNOW YOU!”
The man stares directly at me and repeats his statement. At this point I notice 2 things: there’s a crowd growing and no one is helping. The girls at the self-checkout are talking to each other as if this situation ceased to exist (I thought girls were supposed to support girls. I guess I was wrong). Every type of person you can think of (moms, children, old people, etc) was just watching me like this was a circus act. Also, where are the workers? They still were nowhere to be found. Eventually, after lots of repetitive arguing, an older man in a work uniform steps out of the crowd and asked me “is this man following you?” I could barely talk and squeak out “I don’t know…” as I wasn’t sure when the man first spotted me. The man begins to argue with the perpetrator, a worker finally pops out from who knows where, and I run out of the store on the brink of a panic attack.Â
After this traumatic event, I tried reassuring myself that people were there to help me. When one person does something wrong, there are ten more people ready to help. Um… was that really the case? The teen girls who easily could’ve been in my situation did nothing. I saw a mother staring at the situation the whole time and she didn’t register the idea that either her or her child could have easily be in my shoes. This got me wondering, how do we end the bystander effect? How can people safely get involved as well as victims be able to safely nativage these situations? Well say no more because I’ve got you covered.
How to help as an eye witness
The University of Cambridge complied a lovely ABC guide whether one should intervene.
- “Assess for safety: If you see someone in trouble, ask yourself if you can help safely in any way. Remember, your personal safety is a priority – never put yourself at risk.”
Despite my previous complaints, I will say I definitely agree with this. Always remember that your safety comes first.
- “Be in a group: It’s safer to call out behavior or intervene in a group. If this is not an option, report it to others who can act.
- Care for the victim. Talk to the person who you think may need help. Ask them if they are OK.”
B and C are fairly similar to each other. I agree strongly with their group mentality as you don’t want to be outnumbered. My only gripe is with C. I agree that they should ask the victim if they are okay. However, I wouldn’t ask if they need help; it should be common sense that they need it. I personally would call the police. I’ve called them before in less dyer situations, but it’s more precautionary of anything else.Â
How to get help while in danger
A lot more sources came up for how to be a good bystander rather than how to get help as a victim. It goes to show how vital it is for bystanders to get involved. Anyway, RAINN (Well known sexual assault organization) has a small blurb on how to get help when being harassed.
“Go somewhere safe. If you are being followed on the street or feel that your physical safety is in danger, going into a local business, store… where the harasser may be discouraged from following you, or where you can get help…”
This ties pretty well into the previous point for what eyewitnesses can do, which is to report to an authority figure. I will say I strongly believe it is the eyewitness’s duty to help out in any way they can which includes reporting to authorities.
Now, I have heard of ways people have been able to get help in dangerous situations. One I’ve heard from several folks is to single someone out in a crowd. For example, in my situation, something I could have done is look over at a woman with a blue shirt and say “Lady with the blue shirt, call the cops,” or something along those lines. Every situation is different but I feel as if that’s a foolproof way to “force” someone to help you. If nothing I’ve said works, you can also start acting weird in public. That way folks will have to get involved as verbal harassment sometimes isn’t enough for folks to care and step in. (Despite this part being a joke, I have had friends tell me that this tip works and they are usually left alone pretty quickly).
Hopefully you got something out of this article. In the event where you or someone is in a serious situation, hopefully this helps.
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