I need to stop romanticizing my life.
I’m sorry but it doesn’t work.
It hasn’t worked.
And I think that’s okay, to be honest. It’s okay that it’s worked for some people but not for me. And you know the craziest thing? It never made me happy; it did the exact opposite.
And again, that’s okay.
To be completely honest, I think the concept was quite funny seeing as I was forcing it all. I was “romanticizing” my life to the point that it wasn’t even realistic anymore. It felt like clown activity.
I’d say things like, “Tomorrow I am going to get these 10 tasks done, work out, eat healthy, stay on TikTok until I’m satisfied, FaceTime all my siblings (shoutout Bib, Mof, Chi, and Kam), make my bed and not have a mental breakdown.” Of course, everything but not having a mental breakdown did not happen.
I noticed that I was really unhappy most of the time, and I knew it was because as I was trying so hard to “romanticize” my life I was changing my whole personality. I was trying to be a so-called “better” version of myself, but in the process, I was tearing down every single part of me. I noticed I was doing things with the thought of what everyone else would think of me. I never did anything to actually make myself happy.
For example, when was the last time I took myself to get ice cream? Or I went to watch a movie myself? It’s been a while.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that romanticizing my life was just me lying to myself. It was me forcing things that were not meant to happen. It was okay if I couldn’t wake up at 6 a.m. to go work out or pass by the grilled cheese sandwiches at Franklin without filling my plate to the brim. It was okay that I got a separate cup to put some barbecue sauce in. Everything was okay.
Am I happy now? I want to believe I’m on the right path to being happy. I’m getting there.
Did I break my laptop screen last week resulting in me paying $710 to get it fixed? Yes. Did I forget the password to my other laptop? Yes. Did I have multiple breakdowns in breakout room 214? Yes. Am I submitting this article late which could result in a strike? Yes.
Am I happy? I’m getting there.
But did my family try to not make me feel like sh*t? Yes, they did. And I love them so much for that.
If I was still in the process of “romanticizing” my life I would think bad things would never happen to me. I’d think I was perfect and nothing could ever go wrong but now I’ve truly accepted that everything happens for a reason and I can always try my best to make a situation better.
I’m not romanticizing my life anymore. I’m just going to take baby steps for everything because in this life… *insert “I Can’t Kill Myself” by Timaya*
That’s it.
Listen to that song. Thx!
XOXO,
Fayobomi
Can’t get enough of HC UMass Amherst? Be sure to follow us on Instagram, listen to us on Spotify, like us on Facebook, and read our latest Tweets!