The only time in my life I’ve worn a skirt was in the fifth grade. My entire grade took ballroom dancing classes and we had a big show at the end of the year, for which I had to wear a short pink skirt. Even back then, that was a big deal. No one’s ever seen me wear a skirt, and I had absolutely no intention to wear one again. I’m now nearing 20 years old, and a skirt is nowhere to be found in my closet. It’s not that I’m making it a point not to wear one, it’s just not me.
Growing up, people often used the word “tomboy” to describe me. For those unfamiliar with the term, it is often used to describe girls that behave in ways boys normally would. At the time, I didn’t mind it; I actually kind of liked it. I was being myself and having fun doing it, so what if I was expressing myself a little differently, right? I wasn’t like other girls, and proud of it. But as every girl growing up does, you hit a point in your adolescence where standing out isn’t as glamorous as it used to be. I remember the first Bat Mitzvah I went to. I was wearing my nice sweater, excited to hit the dance floor, only to show up and realize I’m the only girl not wearing a dress. That was the first time I realized I don’t really fit in with the girls, and not in a way that I enjoyed. Throughout middle school and high school I made an effort to act more “girly”–whatever that means. I was never boy-crazy, I didn’t do my makeup, and I still only wore dresses on special occasions. I felt more confident in being a girl than I have before, but it still always felt like I was on the outside looking in, and sometimes it still does.
I’m all for self-expression, and I’m glad the adults around me encouraged me in expressing myself my way. But looking back, the use of the word “tomboy” is incredibly alienating. That word is telling young girls that while it’s awesome that you’re being you, it’s not girly enough. I’ve never really felt like one of the girls because I wasn’t acting the way girls should. What does that even mean really? Isn’t identifying as a girl girly enough?
As I enter my twenties, I’m quite confident in my womanhood, I just do it a little differently than how society expects me to. But that doesn’t make me any less of a woman than the next one. If we truly want to break away from these gender norms we as a society are stuck in, we have to stop defining femininity and masculinity for other people and really accept everyone as they are and how they choose to express themselves.
