I’m Over My Messy Breakup– Here’s How You Can Be Too

Probably anyone who knows me is saying, “She’s not actually over it, it happened not even a month ago, why is she writing an article about it?”

Here’s why: I may not be OVER it, but I am over it in the sense that I’m trying my best to not look back. I have learned so much from this still somewhat raw experience, and isn’t that the best time to write about something? Especially with Valentine’s Day taking up all the hype of the month, I know there are countless other people who could benefit from hearing something positive that can come from an adversity like relationship trouble. And what better person to believe about this than someone who is experiencing it with you at the present moment? Sure, it’s nice to hear success stories from people looking back and assuring you they had doubts about whether they’d make it too. But other times we just need to relate to someone right now before we go crazy getting inside our own heads. Sound familiar? 

Here’s a little background— we dated for a month, broke up, got back together a few months later, dated for six months, we broke up. It’s been about a month since, so in total, almost one year of my time has been spent pining over him. Not the worst that could’ve happened, I know, but not an ideal situation either. No amount of time seems fair to have given to someone when you realize it’s just not going to work out, at least not the way you want it to. So rest assured whether it was one month or one decade, whether it was someone you were official with or not, your feelings are valid.

What isn’t okay however, is letting this time spent with someone who isn’t right for you get in your way of pushing forward with what is right for you.

Hold it right there…I know that you are still healing, and it’s impossible to not let that cloud your brain from what the right thing is going forward. Totally honest, I still have trouble seeing it for myself. S**t sucks. But let’s look at the situation anyway— you clicked on this article, so you’re probably not in denial of this reality that someone you thought was right for you is not. That’s already something that took me a week or two to see, even post breakup. And if you already know someone isn’t right for you, what does that mean? You understand you’d be better off without them because they’re not complimenting you in the way you require to be the best you— physically, mentally, and/or emotionally.

Think about it like this: no matter how long it takes to get through this, you’re pushing through the confusion and overwhelming doubt with one thing certain, and that is that it’s simply what’s best for you. What isn’t best for you? Holding on to this person and allowing them to believe you are fine with settling (whether they know what settling is to you or not), laying expectations of change down only to get disappointed again, or telling yourself you don’t deserve any better. Let me scream this at you right now: THESE EXAMPLES OF AVOIDING THE TRUTH BECAUSE IT’S EASIER THAT WAY WILL IN THE END ONLY MAKE IT HARDER FOR YOU TO HAVE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS IN THE FUTURE OR IN GENERAL TO KEEP A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF!!!!

Taking care of my mental health is something that I thankfully already had learned to prioritize before my breakup, so that last step came naturally to me once I accepted reality. But man was it necessary. Mental health has honestly never been more important to me than right now, and from that, I have experienced first-hand how happiness isn’t always happy. Sometimes it’s rewiring your entire brain to process how someone isn’t who you thought they were, but that you will be okay without them. No, it’s not short term happiness, but it is love for yourself and it will boost your long term happiness. 

Until I fully see what is going to make me happy in the future, I will continue to do these things to take care of my mental health (please try some, especially if you’re not all on board with my reasoning yet— it will help you see what I have mentioned):

• Reach out to a friend you can rely on when you feel yourself wanting to make a bad decision. Or just when you feel lonely. Work on strengthening relationships with your friends.

• Watch/listen/read about other people going through the same thing as you (hey, this was a great first step ;) ). Whatever platform you prefer, whether blogs, podcasts, YouTube videos, etc., take advantage of our modern-day access to so many resources.

• Find a therapist. I say find because it’s not an easy task to do. Between availability, health insurance, and personality there are a lot of things to consider before you can jump right into it. But hey, if you put in the work now you can not only get a nonbiased opinion on this situation, but potentially many more future difficult situations in your life.

• Journal. Again, someone’s idea of journaling can vary greatly from the next person’s, but find a way that works for you. Whether it’s a full-on diary style entry, a prompt, or an app that takes 5 seconds to fill out, it always helps to get your overwhelming thoughts out of your head and out into the world.

• Pay attention to the things that bring you joy. Implement them as much as you can into your routine. Remember when the cloud was fogging your judgment of what you should do next? This is your independent personality shining in and giving you a clue to just that.

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• getting over a breakup
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