I am currently taking a class called “Sociology of Love.” It is hands down one of the best classes that I have ever taken at UMass. I have learned so much about myself and the way that I interact with other people. Here are some important lessons I have learned from this class.
- Recognize that you are a whole person
While this sounds incredibly cliche, it is entirely true. I think that when we develop crushes and get into relationships, it is so easy to fall into the trap of it becoming all-consuming. My friend once told me that while a person can be amazing and great, it is important to recognize that you are a whole person without them. There is no such thing as ‘another half’ in a relationship. Yes, your partner can be great, but don’t forget that you have led and lived an amazing life before them. Practicing this ideology can lead to a secure attachment style with your partner.
- Understand your attachment style
I have learned a lot about attachment styles through this class. There are three types: secure, insecure anxious, and insecure avoidant. These attachment styles stem from our childhood and transfer into our current relationships. Do you find yourself clinging on to people easily? Do you feel suffocated by others? Do you find it easy to open up to others? These are important questions to ask yourself when you are navigating relationships. By learning about your own attachment style, you are able to recognize your relationship patterns and act accordingly. Everyone can work themselves up to having a secure attachment style.
- Be introspective about your childhood
Through this class, I have found myself being very introspective about my life growing up. Even if you had a perfect childhood, really look into your past. Most of our relationship problems stem from our childhood. Sometimes our minds trick us into believing that we are in the past. For example, if you were left alone a lot as a child and your partner goes away for business trips, you may find yourself being extremely upset. While you may be upset at your partner for leaving, these feelings stem from your childhood. It is important to be introspective about our childhood and see how these patterns can manifest in our current relationships. The next time that we catch ourselves upset about something small, we can realize that it truly stems from unresolved childhood wounds. When we solve these wounds in a healthy way, we can truly be emotionally intelligent and present in our current relationships.
- Owning our feelings of shame
Shame is such a scary feeling that is very universal. Due to shame, we create masked versions of ourselves to present to other people. If you could live in a shame-free world, what would be the first thing you would do? What would you be like? The best way to beat shame is to talk about it! In this way, we can realize that we are not alone in our feelings. Letting go of shame can lead you to live a fulfilling and authentic life. You are perfect the way you are.
- Love yourself before you love another
We hear this all the time but it is true. Bring yourself out on dates. Create new hobbies for yourself and engage in things you enjoy. Show up for yourself. The most essential love in your life will not be your partner, but you. You. Take the time to be introspective. In order to be in a healthy relationship, you need to recognize and cherish your self-worth. Know that you are beautiful, flaws and all. Cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself before you engage with others.
Love is powerful enough to bridge differences and see the humanity within each other. Love makes us do powerful things. While we fall in and out of love with others throughout our lifetime, remember to take care of the most consistent person in your life: you. Whip out a journal today and respond to this prompt. What does a shame free world look like and what is the first thing you would do?
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