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Question: My boyfriend and I of eight months don’t go on dates very much. We hang out a lot and do fun things that don’t cost money, such as going on a hike or eating at the dining hall. Part of the reason is because he doesn’t want to spend money. I really want to go out to dinner on a nice date, but he doesn’t want to because it is pricey, even though we usually split the bill on the rare occurrences we go out to dinner. How do I get him to want to go out to dinner?
RLCG Ben: Well, the main question is whether this is a function of necessity or his own personal preference: whether he simply doesn’t have enough money to eat out and treat you to dinner (depending on his work situation or whatever), or whether it’s not something he’s that big a fan of, either for the activity or solely the fact that he doesn’t want to spend money. Both are valid reasons why he would not do it on your own time. I, for one, much prefer dinner at home when I can swing that.
However, the real question here is not how to get him to want to go out to dinner. If you want to go, let him know. We’ve all got to concede to other people’s wishes at some point in order to make them happy, and you’ve done it enough, so it’s his turn for you. A dinner shouldn’t be too much to ask if he can spare the cash, within reason, and he should want to do it if he’d like to make you happy. If it’s a special occasion, like for your 9 months or something (since you’ve been together for 8, it doesn’t seem too far away), all the better for him to go out to dinner with you.
He should want to do it if it means being with you, and while there are a lot of other things you can do together, a dinner is the one you want, so he should be willing to accommodate. That said, if he flat-out can’t afford it, that’s another matter altogether, but if he can and is not willing to then that is something you’ll probably need to talk about with him. Focus on the dinner for right now, and play it by ear afterwards, hopefully that helps.