A Sneak Peek Into My Brain as a “Hopeless Romantic”

If someone tells me they like the same music that I do, I most likely will begin planning our wedding in my head. Which is really odd because I am almost always too anxious to even go forward with any type of communication. I sorta just vibe in this in between anxious yet excited state where I doubt any potential successful outcome, but then also imagine things that are so far out of reach. 

I really don’t know why I do this or what this type of thinking is even called. It prompted me to do some research just to figure out what any of this means, even if it is not exactly my type of thinking. 

Hopeless Romantic according to urban dictionary is defined as: 

“A hopeless romantic has a larger heart than others, being more prone to a broken heart then the regular person. They are in love with the idea of being loved and loving back. They are NOT made for today’s standards, as they believe in the little things about true love, fairy tales, and chivalry, and truly believe that there is only one person out there for them.”

Ok, well to break this down I guess you could say that I have a big heart, and that today’s standards of dating via, you know, snapchat, DMs and tinder certainly confuse me. I don’t really watch romantic movies, so not sure about this true love fairy tales type of vibe, but yeah, I do look for a genuine connection when it’s out there. I fall into the trap of couples on TV, but the slow burn random ones. Nonetheless, it’s another unrealistic idea living rent free in my head.

Moving on to what else the definition said. 

“They get attached quickly, but they are genuinely the best boy/girl friend you could have.They are loving, caring people who give their 100%, expecting full return. They often dream of who they will spend the rest of their life with, and romanticizing what the two of them will do together. They dream to be romanced with sweet simple things and thoughtful surprises, and just want someone to care for them and hold them, and tell them everything will be okay.”

Weird, I didn’t realize that they interviewed me for this definition. Kidding, in all seriousness I do get attached quickly, and as I already explained, I often daydream about life in the future with the person I am thinking about. I am not one to decide the type of significant other I am, but man do I need reassurance – from legit everybody. 

With all this being said, I don’t know how this self diagnosis (or research) helps me. I am still too confused and unfamiliar with 21st century communication on “flirting,” or “picking up signs,” to understand what people say. So when something does seem to yield in the right direction for me, I get too excited with often high expectations that rarely work out in my favor. 

It’s the type of in between feeling because I don’t want to talk about anything romantic in my life at first because I am too afraid to jinx it and ruin it for myself, but then again, I feel weird hiding it from those around me. 

Going on month seven of being single after ending an almost two year long relationship, I still know nothing about this complex modern day romance life. How can I continue to navigate through all this stuff when I assume that my overly nice personality will become a doormat, but then also have enough self respect to not let that happen. If I think too much about it, I could get hurt, but if I don’t focus on it enough, it could slip away. 

When I am trying to fall asleep with positive thoughts in my head, I run through an imaginary life together, creating unrealistic scenarios that won’t likely happen when I wake up. This type of daydream, insecure, anxiety-ridden type of thinking honestly makes things harder, but at the same time I still do it. I don’t know why. 

Is there a definition for that?

Cheers to those who want to dance in the grocery store and sing in the car while watching the sunset with their person, but are just a little too afraid to figure out how to make it happen.