It’s hard to carve out time in the day to rest and recharge as a busy college student. Whether you like to journal, read, meditate, or even take a relaxing nap, there are so many ways to de-stress. For me, hanging out on the couch while playing Mario Kart 8 with my roommates is one surefire way to find peace in my day. It seems trivial, but MK8 is fundamental to the functioning of our house. Nothing beats the adrenaline rush of a tight race to the finish line or the elation that stems from finessing a nasty drift. Mario Kart lifts you up as it simultaneously calms you down. As I waltzed my way through a cup (a series of races) the other day, I thought about the potential the game had and the changes I would make. It got me thinking, what if I could design my own cup? So, here you have it, what you never knew you needed until this very moment, a UMass-inspired Grand Prix…
1. Haigis Mall
In a tribute to my favorite MK course of all time, Coconut Mall, Haigis Mall at first appears to be a simple lap around the horseshoe, but it’s so much more. With the astonishing architectural beauty of the Fine Arts Center, Herter, and Whitmore surrounding the track, users are transported to a paved paradise. Sidewalk shortcuts through the lawn are one option to advance your place in the race but beware of Isenberg students who waddle around (like Goombas), ready to knock you out. The B43 PVTA is another obstacle to dodge as it embarks for Northampton.
2. Campus Pond
Go where no student has ever been before (hopefully)…the murky depths of the campus pond! The fountains give you a boost as you weave around the hoards of geese swarming your vehicle, relentlessly trying to spin you off-course. You can also take scenic routes on any of the paths near the pond, but try not to do so when classes are transitioning, otherwise, you will probably get trampled by undergrads flocking towards Blue Wall.
3. Southwest Circuit
This one is really fun. The starting line is located at the entrance of the tunnel, where you can admire the chalk graffiti before entering the walkway. Shortcuts can be found in any of the lowrise dorms, but a straight shot also works – just beware of skateboarders as you make your way past Hampden. Pop out on Fearing Street before turning right at the rotary and heading up the horseshoe, where discarded food from Hampshire and Berkshire act as bananas, while wayward basketballs come flying at your cart from all angles.
4. DuBois Falls
This is one of those top-to-bottom courses, rather than a traditional loop. Participants start at the top floor of W.E.B. DuBois library and must precisely drift down a stairwell of their choice (all 23+ floors) at a concerningly fast speed. Once they pop out into the lobby, racers must navigate the sometimes overwhelming entrance of the library, determining which combination of doors will get them out the fastest. Then, the wind tunnel! The dreaded wind tunnel is the ultimate obstacle in this entire cup, so if you can get through it without being blown over the railing and into the basement courtyard of DuBois, you’ll have a good shot at winning the race.
Let me know if you think I should pitch this cup to the creative team at Mario Kart. They could try to curate a university-themed edition of the game and develop cups for multiple schools around the country, or even around the world. The opportunities are limitless.
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