Loneliness. It can take on many forms and settle into our lives uninvited — sometimes in the moments we least expect, or in overwhelming ways when we do. Maybe it manifests when you leave your hometown for college, step into a new workplace, or reach the end of a relationship. But sometimes, in those empty spaces, we get the chance to learn more about ourselves. To turn that loneliness from a burden into a space of self-discovery where you can reflect and grow. Though navigating through this feeling can often be a pain and a struggle, with the right outlook, you can find a lot of thrill in being alone.Â
I can attest to this theory and say that I have found a lot of joy and peace in my solitude. You could say that my “loneliness” comes primarily from being single. I am 21 years old, and I have never been in a relationship. As hookup culture grows in popularity in our generation, this idea of being single in our 20s, or what is also considered as our “prime” time, scares a lot of young people. It puts this pressure on young adults to be romantically and physically active with each other and attaches a stigma against those who aren’t. This pressure can also drive people into entering relationships they might not be ready for and casts stereotypes on those who do remain single as dull or immature — when, in reality, none of this is true.
Being in a relationship doesn’t make anyone inherently better or wiser; people grow and mature in their own ways. This need to conform is fueled by the media we consume. We’re constantly exposed to themes of romance in film and TV or of influencers sharing their idealized relationships, which makes us feel like we’re somehow behind or missing out on it. But as I’ve come to understand, everyone’s story unfolds differently and in its own time. Things happen at different moments for different people.Â
This negative ideology behind being single, wanting to spend time alone — or even if it’s out of your control, needs to be addressed because it’s not as bad as it’s made out to be. Breaking down these walls opens the floor for conversation and awareness.
For single people, it can foster an understanding that you shouldn’t rush into relationships without thinking them through. With those who are struggling to find their people, they can understand that this block is only temporary. Welcoming solitude can also help people who suffer from abandonment issues or who may find themselves in toxic relationships. Openly talking about being alone can help people feel more confident about the possibility of leaving a situation that isn’t beneficial to them. Understanding that being alone is not the same as being lonely is key, and once you know that you may find yourself getting out of a bad relationship you’ve been tied to. But a lot can be learned and earned from being alone; here are four things I’ve learned from being single.Â
1. You Become Much More ObservantÂ
If being single has taught me anything, it’s how to be observant. Everyone in my friend group is in a relationship, and being single has allowed me to sit back and watch how they interact with their partners. I observe how they treat each other, and the things I like and don’t like about it. I watch how they get into problems and how they solve them. Being able to watch and learn has taught me what to look for in my future relationships when the time comes. It’s also allowed me to set boundaries for myself and understand my needs.
2. You Learn to Rely on Yourself
A major observation I’ve made about people in both romantic and platonic relationships is their tendency toward codependency. Spending time alone allows you to break free from the habit of relying on others and makes you more self-reliant. Since there won’t always be someone by your side in every situation, it’s essential to learn how to regulate your own emotions and understand yourself as an individual, independent of any relationship. This has been one of the most valuable lessons I’ve gained from being single for so long, and it’s helped me in ways that some of my friends in relationships have yet to experience.
3. Time For the Relationships That Matter
With the right dedication and care, a romantic relationship can certainly grow into something meaningful. But if you’re not currently in one, there’s something you can work on that’s more fulfilling than worrying about relationships far ahead in the future: the relationships you have now. Being single has helped me recognize the value of my friendships and the people who support me before, during, and after any relationship. It’s also deepened my bond with my family and taught me how to properly love.Â
4. Self Care & Self Love
Finally, the most important thing someone can learn when alone is how to love themself. Growing up, especially during my teenage years, I often felt the need to go above and beyond for people I liked. And whenever I wasn’t interested in anyone — or felt that no one was interested in me — I noticed my self-care would slip. I didn’t prioritize my mental or physical well-being as much as I could have. I learned that relationships are never guaranteed, so it’s unwise to tie your self-worth to them. Once you recognize this, you begin to understand your true value. Resilience and self-love create a strong foundation for starting something new, without losing sight of yourself.
To wrap up, being alone does not equal loneliness. It does not have to mean isolation.` If you know where to look, you can find comfort in your own company, and you tap into a unique freedom and independence. Being alone can open your eyes to things that others in relationships might not know. You gain new perspectives and, come to understand more about what truly makes you happy, and learn what aligns with your values and where your boundaries lie. Embracing this part of life can help prepare you for the future — whether or not it includes a relationship.
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