You feel it coming on before it actually happens — a lethargic dulling of your senses, a gradual chipping away at your insides, a sense of longing that somehow makes you feel both emptier and heavier at the same time. But you push the feeling away, telling yourself that ignoring it will help it pass. You feel yourself slowing down, so you force yourself to ramp up the pace of your already-hectic life. And all of a sudden — days, weeks, or maybe even months later — it hits you. Maybe you’re walking down the street with your headphones in appreciating all the scenery, or maybe you’re at a party surrounded by cheerful friends, or maybe you’re in bed curled up watching Netflix, hibernating from the outside world. Whatever you’re doing and wherever you are when it happens, you’ll come to the chilling conclusion: Well, this is it. I’ve lost it. I don’t know who I am anymore, but this isn’t who I want to be. The thought will ram its way into your skull and shake your world and make you rethink everything you’ve ever thought.
When we think we’ve lost ourselves, it usually means something else. It might mean we’ve discovered a part of ourselves that doesn’t necessarily match up with the image we’ve created or how others perceive us. It might mean that our lives are changing faster than we have the chance to reflect on them. It might mean that we feel stuck or that something is missing. And it might even mean that we are afraid to be who we know we truly are.
If you feel like you don’t know who you are anymore, it’s really important to take time to nurture yourself.This means to stop pushing forward if you crash and burn or sense you’re about to crash and burn. Let yourself be alone and give in to what you need. Catch up on sleep, dive back into a hobby, do that thing you’ve always wanted to do but never had the time for. Take yourself on a date. Go on an adventure. And most importantly during this time, let go of all the “shoulds.” Let go of who you think you should be or what you think you should be doing. Let go of how far you think you need to go. Just let yourself live without any restraints, at least for a little while, until you feel more refreshed.
You also need to set aside time to be alone so that you can acknowledge what you’re feeling and let yourself feel it. This can be the hardest part. I firmly believe that the more you try to repress what you’re feeling, the worse the feeling will be later on. Emotions help us realize what is out of balance in our lives, and once you get to the heart of the matter, it’s easier to take steps forward to balance yourself. Some ways that have helped me figure out what I’m feeling are journaling, exercising, and listening to music.
Each time we feel like we lose ourselves, it’s a actually a wake up call to make some serious changes in our lives. We know what we need and what we want — but outside forces cloud our intrapersonal connections and influence our decisions. Sometimes it’s necessary to strip these forces from us for a bit to remind us what’s really going on in our heads. And as cliche as it sounds, each time I feel lost or stuck, I end up emerging stronger than ever before. If you’re struggling to find yourself, the best thing you can do is stop being afraid of who you think you’ll find. Just embrace who you are in the current moment. You don’t have to like everything about yourself, but it is important to love yourself enough to give yourself the life you deserve. If you don’t like something about yourself, you have the power to work on it or learn to accept it if it’s something you were born with. We aren’t supposed to be the same for our whole lives, we are supposed to learn and change and grow. If we try to stifle this change, we won’t just lose ourselves — we also lose opportunities to experience new things and become better people.