Why should I subject myself to a career I’m not even sure of at the age of 21? “Because it’s what everyone does” is not an answer I accept.
I am in education. I might be biased, but it is one of the hardest careers out there. It’s no computer engineering or biochemistry, but this is on a whole other level. I am in school’s about 20 hours per week, which is nothing compared to a full-time teacher, and I am exhausted.
I know exhausted. I have been exhausted since age 15. I work 60+ hour weeks in the summer on my feet with no breaks. I am a bartender, wait tables, babysit, and do basically anything I can do to make some cash. But teaching is the most exhausting of them all. Any teacher will tell you that.
That doesn’t mean I don’t love it. I love seeing those little eyes light up when something clicks in their head. I love hearing my preschoolers call one another friends. I love when they make me drawings that say, “To: Miss Caroline” on them. However, I don’t think I am ready for all of that all the time.
I don’t feel bad about not wanting to go into education right after college because I don’t know what exactly it is I want to do. Does any 21-year-old know what they want to do for the rest of their lives? Life is too short to only have half of your heart into something, and that is what I’m afraid I’d feel like if I go into education post-graduation.Â
A huge part of almost everyone’s lives, especially our age group, is social media. You go on Instagram and see people traveling all over the world, doing amazing things, and meeting awesome people. What’s the point of sitting there feeling envious of these people, when it’s something you can also do? The life you desire is attainable. It’s taken me quite some time to realize this, as I’ve felt knocked down time and time again by circumstances I can’t control.Â
A huge part of what helped me realize this was that this is the time and age for me to be selfish. I have been a people pleaser my entire life, so why not please myself? I always end up on the back burner, so it’s time for me to prioritize myself. I’m going to do that by doing what I want to do after college, not what everyone thinks I should do. Who would that benefit? I would be doing a disservice if I went into education without having my heart fully in it. While I know it is certainly something I can and I will have my heart fully into one day, that day is not graduation day. My heart will be fully into being young and grateful to be alive, and making the most of every day. That is what I want to do after college.
I don’t know what exactly “that” is, but that will come with time. I don’t feel bad not knowing. This is my life, not anyone else’s.Â
I want to also recognize the privilege behind my ability to do this. I am incredibly grateful for this amazing education I have been able to receive here at UMass: a huge shoutout to the financial aid department. I am only responsible for supporting myself, so I don’t feel I need a huge career right away. I am so lucky to always have a roof over my head, food on my plate, great friends all around, and am able to work to support myself. So, I am going to use that to live the life I want and have worked so hard to get.
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