Like many young adults, I’ve faced my fair share of hurt and struggle — moments that have broken me, shaped me, but which have ultimately led to my growth. With time, I learned that every hardship carried some sort of lesson, and all my pain led me another step closer to enlightenment and my maturity. But before I could see that or even comprehend the value in everything I endured, I questioned. Endlessly. Desperately. I asked and asked and asked.
“Why did this happen to me?”
“How do I grow from it? How do I get better?”
“How do I make the pain go away?”
“Why am I going through this?”
“Why is this so hard?”
I don’t even know who I was asking. The universe? God? A guardian angel? Maybe just empty air, but hoping someone, something, would answer, and give me the answers to why. I mean there had to be a reason, right? An explanation for every good and bad thing we go through? There must be something to be learned.
Before I found those answers, or at least some type of guide, I found myself constantly in a state of confusion and sadness, drifting aimlessly through my life without direction. I wasn’t living, I was surviving, moving through each day without a sense of purpose, or without that guiding principle to anchor me. I thought it was our experiences that defined us, that once something happened, that was that. That there was no room for improvement or change. But that’s not true, and the key to understanding that is to change your perspective. Falling does not mean staying there, it means to get back up.
In the midst of my confusion, I persevered. I searched for explanations, a code, a morale, something to live for. Over the years, through the help of books, films, conversations and quiet moments of reflection, I’ve gathered pieces of wisdom — fragments of insight that have helped me find peace and clarity in moments of chaos and depression. These lessons didn’t come all at once, nor did they always make sense right away. I had to unlearn what I thought was right, and learn how to approach and adopt these new methods of thinking. Looking back, I see how each of these words played a role in shaping who I am today. And now, I want to share them with you, in hopes that it gives you even a shred of the peace it gave me.
- WHAT A PRIVILEGE IT IS TO BE WORRIED ABOUT A GRADE
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For most young adults, our biggest stressor right now is university.
… Our biggest stressor right now is university. That’s it. It’s not war, not poverty, not a sickness that has us bound to our beds, not homelessness or anything else that can complicate and make our lives far worse than we might believe it actually is. There are others like us around the world (writers, artists, musicians, mathematicians) in worse conditions who would give anything to experience what we are going through. This quote completely shifted my perspective on college. It made me realize that rather than seeing school as something that’s tearing me down, I should view it as something that’s building me — pushing me toward greatness. It helped me establish a positive outlook on my school experience. I didn’t consider it to be a burden anymore, and sometimes that’s all we need to feel a little more hopeful. A positive outlook.
- NO RISK, NO REWARD
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Ah yes, my high school senior quote, and words I will live by forever. For a long time, a huge part of my unhappiness stemmed from regret. Regret and anger from my own anxiety and timidness which has held me back from opportunities, keeping me trapped in a cycle of what ifs and what could haves. But since I found this quote, I’ve turned over a new leaf. Have a crush? Tell them. No risk, no chance of something working out. Want to stand up to your boss or confront a professor about a grade? Speak up. No risk, no change. This mindset can apply to nearly anything in life, and more than anything, it has taught me to accept rejection while also continuing to be hopeful. Rejection is just redirection. It has given me peace to no longer live in fear. With every rejection comes the possibility of something great — and that alone makes the risk worth taking.
- IF SOMETHING IS MEANT FOR YOU, IT WILL BE
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I struggled to accept this phrase for a while. Primarily because it calls for patience — a quality I don’t have much of. But I learned that patience doesn’t just mean sitting idly by, waiting for things to happen. It can be about observing, thinking, and seeing things clearly with careful consideration. I’ve never fully agreed with the “I don’t chase, I attract” mindset because I believe that if you want something, you should go after it. The key, however, lies in what happens after the pursuit. Is what you want also wanting you? Does it align with who you are and what your goals are? If not, then there’s your answer — it’s probably not meant for you. What is will recognize you and go to you in return.
- your path is DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE’S
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Other than regret, another thing that contributed to my very blue feeling was my constant tendency to compare myself to the lives of others. I don’t mean envy or jealousy, like wishing I had what they had — I’m talking about something worse. I couldn’t grasp the fact that people were individuals, living their own unique lives. I believed that my life had to follow the same path as everyone else’s and that the way others did things was the “right” way. But that’s not true. Like I mentioned earlier, some people thrive by following the “attract, don’t chase” mindset. But that wasn’t the case for me. Sitting around, waiting for things to come to me without putting in effort made me feel useless and only held me back. Another example comes from what I’ve observed in the relationships of my friends. How some of them constantly text their partners, fall asleep on FaceTime, or just hang out every day. But that’s not me. I can barely find enough to say to my friends sometimes, so expecting myself to text my partner non-stop every day just doesn’t feel right, and that’s perfectly fine. It doesn’t make us any less of a couple or any less invested in each other. Once I grasped this idea that I don’t have to conform to other people’s experiences, I didn’t feel as lost. We all have different needs and different ways of connecting. What works for some won’t work for others, and that’s okay. Understanding this took the pressure off and helped me embrace my own way of doing things.
- WHAT IF EVERYTHING YOU’RE GOING THROUGH IS PREPARING YOU FOR WHAT YOU ASKED FOR?
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This, without a doubt, is the most life-altering piece of advice I’ve ever encountered. It’s so profound that I find it difficult to put into words. But think about it. Think about every moment that brought you to where you are now, to this moment of growth, however small it might seem. Every piece of pain you’ve endured, every time you thought you weren’t strong enough, and every time you pushed forward despite the odds — they’re all contributing to your journey. The happiness you have right now, no matter how fleeting it may seem, is the product of everything that came before. Time cures all wounds. It’s a small piece of the puzzle that’s been slowly coming together. The challenges you are facing right now might seem impossible to overcome, but they’re preparing you to hold onto the success, the peace, or the love you’ve been longing for. When I reflected on this, it made me realize that even the most difficult moments have a purpose — they are shaping you for the life you’ve always wanted, even if you can’t see it yet.
When I reflected on this, it made me realize that even the most difficult moments have a purpose — they are shaping you for the life you’ve always wanted, even if you can’t see it yet.
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