Anxiety is always something that I have struggled with from a very young age. I have always been known as a shy, introverted person, and I have never been able to show my authentic self in front of new people. As I have been working on this for many years, I still struggle to find ways to overcome my anxiety some days. But over time, I have found little things to keep me going when I am feeling a little more anxious than usual. I hope that by sharing my experience and what I’ve learned I can maybe help somebody out there struggling with anxiety in their own way.
My Story
When I was younger, I was always known as a weird kid. Anywhere I went I wouldn’t know what to say to anyone in any social situation because my anxiety would hold me back from saying or doing what I actually wanted. This was seen in everyone else’s eyes as weird because I didn’t talk that much unless you really knew me. I guess the same applies for now, but it was definitely more of a struggle back then. I think that the constant remarks made about me being reserved never helped my situation. But what certainly didn’t help me is that my family has never been the biggest in exploring mental health issues. A lot of the time, people around me would even say that mental health is fake. But even through all of this, I knew in my heart that I needed help with my mental health struggle.
I finally got to my breaking point freshman year of high school. I had to stay out of school for a week because all I could feel was dizziness, almost like I had just gotten off of an amusement park ride. I went to the doctor’s office and the emergency room, both of which thought I had vertigo. I finally went to a neurologist, who told me and my mom that it was all just my anxiety this entire time. She recommended that I start going to therapy and take prescribed medicine.
My first time at therapy was pretty awkward, to say the least. It’s weird because you don’t know the therapist, and the therapist doesn’t know anything about you except that you have a problem that you need help with. They ask you all of these questions to try and get to know you. But at the end of the day, they won’t really know you for a few sessions. Plus you don’t always click with your first therapist. A lot of the time it’s a trial-and-error process to find a therapist that really clicks with you. It took me two years to find a therapist that I truly love talking to.
What I’ve Learned About Myself
Five years later, and here I am, doing better than I ever thought I could. I went from feeling dizzy all of the time and having panic attacks to being more independent and mentally strong. But, some people and things have helped me along the way in this journey that is nowhere close to being over. My mom, for example, understood that I needed to be seen by a therapist to become the best version of me that I could. She even took the extra step to help me get accommodations in school for the stress that I take on from due dates and timed tests. One thing that I wish I realized sooner is that I needed to find my comfort person like my mom is to me. Someone who truly loves you will be there for you like my mom is for me.
One thing I think a lot of people don’t understand about anxiety is that the feeling is different for everybody. My anxiety comes in waves, for example. One day I could be feeling extra confident and not care what anybody thinks about me. The next day could be completely different, I could be feeling extra anxious and need some more self-care than usual. But, somebody else who struggles with anxiety could feel a different way. I think that reminding myself that I am my own person and I am allowed to have bad days has helped me overcome the days where I’m feeling extra anxious. It’s hard to be having a bad day when everyone else seems like they’re having a great day. But, just remembering that I’m my own person helps me be more in touch with myself and how I’m feeling at that moment.
One other thing that I’ve learned throughout my journey with anxiety is that I am the only person who knows me best. At the end of the day, I could tell somebody my life story a thousand times and they still wouldn’t know me like I do. Honestly, I think I like it that way. I know this might contradict what I said about finding a comfort person. But, I think it’s completely different. Your comfort person can bring out confidence that I’ve never seen in myself before, but only I know how powerful that confidence in myself is. Only I know what’s best for me, and what I may need in a moment when I may have more anxiety than usual.
All in all, anxiety is something that I struggle with every day. It’s something that I have experienced and probably will experience in the future as well. But, I think there is a lot to take away from it as well. I hope that sharing my story and what I’ve learned about myself throughout this journey will help other people realize that it is okay to have anxiety. Some days are better than others, but overall I like to think that more good days than bad are ahead of me.