Content Warning: This article mentions mental health disorders such as OCD.
October 10, World Mental Health Day, is a day dedicated to raising awareness about mental health and destigmatizing mental health disorders. While this day is not widely celebrated, it signifies the silent struggles that many people may be going through. On this day, I reflect on my mental health journey and how important it can be to share personal experiences. By openly discussing these experiences, I hope to contribute to a better understanding of mental health and create a space to connect with those who may also struggle.
My story
Since turning eight, my brain has been consumed with an intense obsession of threes. Actions that feel off or intrusive thoughts cause compulsions such as tapping my fingers or knocking on wood three times. My brain convinced me that I needed to do these actions to prevent harmful things from happening.
When I turned 16, I was diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. For years I dealt with this overwhelming disruption to my life. Threes followed me everywhere I went and the funny thing is, I don’t even like the number. I noticed how much control this disorder had over my life when I began controlling my dreams.
I have always enjoyed dreaming, a peaceful time for my body to recharge while my brain subconsciously traveled through new lands. Waking up and feeling refreshed while having a bizarre and exciting story about the people I met or the lands I traveled to are incredible feats of my imagination. It’s almost like having a night at the movies, without the popcorn. I do not eat in my sleep, thankfully.
Then, I began to set the stage for my dreams before falling asleep and carefully crafted the scene like an act in a play. While I have always enjoyed doing this, it soon became a part of my life where I fought for control. Intrusive ideas or storylines that didn’t align with what my mind originally dictated were upsetting and kept me up at night with tapping rituals of threes to ease my discomfort. What once was a comforting world of dreams was hijacked by intrusive thoughts. I needed to find ways to alleviate the hold that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder had on my life.
Recognizing that I needed help, I began on a path of healing and learning. My previous ideas of therapy were narrow and the thought of help scared me. However, through therapy, I have learned techniques to work through scary and controlling thoughts. I reduced the control that OCD once had on me; the hold that disrupted crucial parts of my life such as sleep. While my healing journey isn’t linear, I’m more equipped now than ever to combat future challenges that may occur.
Through telling my story, I hope to connect with those who might struggle silently with their mental health. World Mental Health Day serves as a reminder to us all that we are not alone. My journey with OCD is ongoing and I feel confident that I’m able to ask for and accept help when needed.