We have all heard of the phrase, “You only live once.” It is a phrase so deeply ingrained in our minds from birth, and something we are always conscious of. It is what connects all living organisms to one another: the cycle of impermanent life.
We only have this one life. Even if it is not at the forefront of our minds, we are aware of our mortality as humans — the ease of which our lives can be cut short without a warning. Still, even knowing that our time could become limited, so many of us don’t enjoy our lives the way we want to.
We promise ourselves, we’ll do it another time. We hold ourselves back from potentially pursuing happiness in our lives. Why do we do this?
Growing up as the daughter of two Vietnamese immigrants, for the longest time, I had felt like I had never truly lived. As an only child, my parents were extremely overprotective of me. They tried to make up for their restrictions with family bonding trips, encouraging me to watch cartoons and read books instead of going out with friends.
In retrospect, while my childhood was a happy one, it was also a lonely one in many ways. I was never allowed to hang out with friends outside of school, and so it was difficult to build relationships that weren’t just “my school friend.”
I didn’t mind much as a child — until my entire world tilted on its axis. After the end of fourth grade, my family moved from our neighborhood in Boston to a city up north. I was allocated with the task of making new friends, but unlike in elementary school, it seemed more arduous and daunting than ever. After all, I had always been more reserved and shy than others, with a lot of anxiety.
As the year went on, I did make friends in and outside of my homeroom class. Yet, those friendships felt shallow, and I couldn’t shake off the imposter syndrome. It was easy to see. I didn’t belong here.
It only got worse as my friends would plan hangouts together. Every time, it would be the same torturous pattern: They ask me to join them, I say that I’ll ask my parents, and my parents voice their disapproval. Each time it happened, I became more downhearted. It reached the point where I wouldn’t ask my parents, not wanting to risk another rejection.
I watched life from the outside until I entered freshman year in high school. It was there that I became involved with different clubs and volunteered, finally finding some of the freedom that I sorely lacked for years and experiencing many things for the first time. My parents were more lenient, comforted by the idea that I would be around other people and engaging in activities that would benefit my résumé for college.
Over the next few years of high school, I was learning what it meant to live life despite the anxiety that accompanied trying new things. I even was able to hang out with my friends outside of school, eating out with them and exploring Boston together. Only, when I finally arrived at college, the past seemed to haunt me again. I was facing change again and on a larger scale.
While I took comfort in the friends that went to UMass Boston and the aspects of life that hadn’t changed, everything seemed overwhelmingly big. The lost experiences and years crept up on me then during my freshman year. For the things that I did do, there were others that I was too afraid to try or that didn’t work out.
For my sophomore year, I resolved to myself that I wouldn’t let change overwhelm me or be led into hiding by my anxiety. While I may not be able to quell the thoughts or immense pressure in my chest, I want to at least try. I don’t want to be shackled anymore. I want to live my life to the fullest.
Two weeks ago, I went to my first concert by myself. Asking my parents was easier than I expected. Going alone was nerve-racking at first, but not as terrifying as I had imagined — not when I was able to see one of my favorite artists in person and have the time of my life. I sang and danced with other fans, knowing they wouldn’t judge me for my excitement like my mind previously supplied.
Last week, I went to the opening night of the first fall show on campus with my friends. I commuted home late, but it didn’t frighten me as much as it would have in the past. Rather, it made me think how I was the one in my own way. College is just the same as high school, only with more experiences being offered and with the opportunity to grow into ourselves as young adults.
It may seem intimidating to put yourself out there and to pursue the things that are new to you, but when an opportunity is presented to you, it is absolutely worth it to take the plunge. There may be periods where you’re unable to do the things that you want because of fear and anxiety. It doesn’t make you any lesser than or mean that you’re wasting your life. Instead, it can serve as the motivation to do those things later when you are capable of it.
We may be frightened of everything that comes with adulthood, but that doesn’t mean you should constrict yourself to the safest option.
We only have this one life, so choose the choices that will make you happy. Take risks and try out all the options available to you. Don’t spend time lamenting the missed opportunities when you could use that time to reflect on the possibilities. Go out and live life to the fullest!