How taking a step back can move you forward.
I have always believed this myth that I had to be on my own to be independent. My concept of being an adult was to relinquish the safety of living with my parents and to rely on myself for every expense and decision that needed to be made. Maybe it had something to do with growing up in a largely blue collar town, where many of my peers started entering their trade in high school. Maybe it had to do with the expectations and conditions I grew up with. I don’t know for sure where this myth came from, but I took it as the truth. As a result, I was constantly stressed out, living rent to rent, and making sacrifices on what was necessary to buy.
I grew up in a house with little money. I knew that I did not have a college fund, but my parents were supportive in my decision to go to college. They did not know how applications or loans worked, but they presented it as an opportunity to get ahead in life.
I wanted to go to college ever since I learned what it was. As far as I was concerned, it was not really an option. Sure, I could opt out, but I viewed it as the key to success.
However, I did not truly grasp how expensive college was. So many people and advertisements make it seem like going to college is accessible. Schools rarely talk about their tuition unless they believe it to be “affordable.” Dorm life is presented as an opportunity for bonding and as a part of the college experience. Loan services only talk about acquiring money and low interest rates. Call it ignorance or call it stupidity, but I did not truly realize how much money I was going to be investing into my education. Tuition, yes, but I did not account for the cost of living.
Freshman year I survived on loans. I worked on average 25 hours per week my sophomore year. Junior year, my hours were variable, and I was not able to reach 20 hours per week consistently. The cost of living in Boston slowly dwindled my savings, and I could not see a way to keep myself there.
After meeting with the dean’s office and off-campus living and the financial aid office, and only being told things I already knew, I moved back home.
It was not something I looked forward to. I’m from New Hampshire and cannot drive, so the commute is tough, and there are a myriad of other complications that come with living at home. Despite this, and despite the warnings from friends and family about the harsh commute, I am more relaxed than I have been in a while. I got a job close to my home at a place I enjoy working at. I am working on a passion project at school. Rather than my entire paycheck going towards bills, a majority of it helps build my savings back up.
There are some things that I struggle with immensely, such as the loss of time with my friends and boyfriend due to increased complications in seeing them. However, I hope to plan and invest in the people who are important to me. I hope that will make our interactions even more meaningful.
I’ve learned that it’s okay to let people support you. It doesn’t erase all of the things I have done or know how to do, and it will not erase everything I go on to do. I have never bought my own tickets to a concert or a hotel or a trip. Maybe this year I can begin to invest in my present, rather than worry about my future.