As we close out 2015, one of the craziest things since Britney’s 2007 head shaving stunt and Snooki’s 2012 pregnancy announcement is shockingly, but inevitably upon us. It’s mid-December, and barely an icicle has frozen over in what was once referred to as, “The Polar Vortex.” (Cue mass confusion and hysteria-the polar vortex is no longer.) Sorels all over Ann Arbor are collecting dust in the back of closets, and with not a Canada Goose coat in sight, it seems all the geese have flown south for the winter without as much as a “honk” or a spec of feces to signal their departure.
It’s an El Nino year, ladies and gentlemen, and while the unusual heat may be causing students at the University of Michigan to deal with the horror that is sweating latkes from their pores as they frantically search for a study spot during finals (definitely not speaking from experience), there are even larger nightmares, like rare sea serpents washing ashore in Southern California. It’s 50 degrees in December, and none of us were prepared. As you travel home for winter break (hopefully you’re not from California, and if you are—sorry), we’d like to prevent any more “sweating out last night’s dinner from your pores” epidemics both for your sake and on behalf of those around you. As the self-proclaimed blogosphere’s Santa, we’re giving you a list of the items you should equip yourself with for when you inevitably return back to the land of all things ref room and late night cheesy bread.
1. The vest
This thing has no sleeves. Say it with me now, “Noooooo sleeves.” It was practically engineered for all things in between, like this weather that can’t seem to make up its mind, or the hook up you have yet to put a label on. (But, really, more so the weather.) Slip it on, or slip it off, and wear anything as heavy or as light as you please underneath. After all, it was designed for confusion.
2. The waterproof boot that won’t make your feet swell up and sweat out
If you’d like to have a chance at safely navigating the icy sidewalks when it’s snowing, winter boots are necessary, but they’re cumbersome and sweltering hot if the temperatures aren’t low enough. Enter, “waterproof boot that won’t make your feet swell up and sweat out.” No shoe is named this, but I’ve titled it as such to directly explain their function of enduring the elements, without the extra heat. With temperatures this up and down, it’s likely we’ll be living in a world where grey slush is not the result of your attempt to mix every Slurpee flavor together, but rather the result of both snow and rain. When the slush slides in, this waterproof boot will have your back.
3. The Infinity Jersey Scarf
I’m a large fan of jersey. It has been my duvet cover material since I was seven, and I’m now twenty, so you could say we’re in a pretty committed relationship. Not only is the material super soft, but also it’s not too hot. It makes for the perfect El Nino scarf because by covering your neck, it still gives you some warmth, but it’s not wool or fleece, so it won’t leave you suffocating on South U.
4. The Jogger
Ah, joggers, the pajama jeans of 2015. Not only do these pants exude all things dumpy chic and practically scream, “I’m really chill, but also pretty cute.” Their versatility is also unparalleled. They’re not insulated, so they won’t roast your hot dogs (or legs), but they’re basically sweatpants, so they’re cozy and loose enough that should you find yourself in a butt-sweat situation, the parachute effect won’t reveal a thing. Your secret will die with the inevitable death that will be the trend of these pants. Is anyone else having PTSD flashbacks to gauchos?
Images courtesy of: Where to get it, Lululemon, Nordstrom, Etsy, Gap