Exes are a tough battle. You love âem, you hate âem, you feel indifferent, and in the end, sometimes they end up back in your life. If you are anxiously awaiting to finally be over him or are trying to pivot more into the friend zone, listen up!Â
Here are 5 steps for keeping him at an arms-length.Â
- Establish a neutral acquaintanceship (use with caution)
Ripping off the Band-Aid of the past can be hard and painful. But, establishing an alternative to your previous relationship may ease you into a better place with him. This works especially well if he is also on the same page about wanting to remain friends after the breakup. A neutral relationship with him can be aided by the existence of mutual friends or an activity that ties you together. For example, if you are both part of the running club, stick with relay buddies instead of lovers, and if you have mutual friends, hang out as a whole group! Make it clear romance is off the table.Â
Warning: this may be more difficult if he cannot (or does not) want to let go of your previous romance and it could lead to a negative outcome if this isnât what you both want.Â
- Make it clear you do not want to reestablish romantic tiesÂ
Following step #1, this one is important. Sometimes he wonât get the hint unless you are unequivocal with him. You need to communicate with words and demonstrate through your actions that you do NOT want a romantic connection but may want to move into a different relationship with him. This situation changes if you want him out of your life for good, of course.Â
Tip: it helps if you can communicate (if itâs true) that you enjoy him as a friend/person but just want to pivot your relationship. Again, be careful that he also wants this, otherwise he could get upset about your sudden change in tune.Â
- Donât wait for his textÂ
Texting and communicating with someone you like can result in a horrendous amount of butterflies and sometimes stress. When putting up a boundary with him, keep an eye on how your body and mind are responding to him when he communicates with you. If before you were excited to get his text or hoping he would text you, remind yourself that you are moving in a different direction with him. Training your mind to recognize him as a friend or acquaintance starts with understanding when you are getting that romantic feeling surrounding you. For example, if he messages you on Snapchat or likes your Insta post, remind yourself of the new dynamic between you and reply as though he is just another friend. Taking the emotional excitement out of romantically being attached to someone is a huge step towards developing that new (non-romantic) relationship!
- Spend time with him in a group setting where friendship is the only thing on the tableÂ
Though I touched on this in step #1, I cannot emphasize it enough! If your goal is to move him into the friend zone and establish a new relationship in that way, demonstrating his new role in your life becomes easier if you see him alongside other friends. Of course, this is always easier if you have mutual friends that you can hang out with but you can also invite him along to another social gathering where it is clear he is NOT your plus one.
Warning: be sure you do not hint at the possibility of rekindling your romantic relationship and instead make it clear what your intentions are moving forward.Â
- Talk with him about his romantic pursuits
This one is iffy, I will be honest. I really only recommend this course of action if the previous steps have worked out well and you and him are on the same page. If you have made good progress towards real friendship and you can sense the romantic vibes dissipate, bringing up his new romantic life can be a great way to solidify the split. Of course, if he is not ready to discuss this private matter with you, do not take it personally; everyone moves on at their own pace. Additionally, donât push yourself into this step if you donât feel comfortable and ready.