The words “Long-Distance Relationship” evoke a sense of anxiety in all of us. We have heard horror stories about three-year relationships that have fizzled in college due to the distance. Many of us have, at some point, faced the decision of whether to break up or to try a long distance relationship. Maybe when you were back home for the summer or winter break, you met a really great guy who you could see yourself with for a long time. But once school rolls around, it is time to make the decision: break up or stay together?
1. What kind of a college experience am I looking for? Your friends might tell you that you will be missing out on the true college experience. If you are sick of meaningless, drunken hookups, then having a long-distance relationship will not necessarily limit your college experience! In fact, it can often be great to have someone to confide in and someone who can sympathize with you when you are still adapting to a completely new environment. So take your friends’ advice with a grain of salt. Only you know how you feel about your significant other.
2. Will I have time for a relationship? College is a time to try new things, from French club to intramural sports to musical theatre. Between classes, extracurriculars, and homework, it can be hard to find time for a relationship. Any healthy relationship, as we know, requires time and effort by both parties. Ask yourself if you are willing to sacrifice some of your time for late-night Skype calls and occasional visits.
3. What will you do to show your love? Long-distance couples find special ways to show their love for each other. Besides Skyping/texting/calling, there are many creative and cute ways to share your lives even when you are hundreds of miles apart. Some ideas include writing thoughtful letters to each other, sending an Edible Arrangement on special occasions, doing quizzes every day from a couples quiz book, playing a two-person game on your phones, and downloading a couples app where you can privately chat, share pictures, and give virtual kisses! Many long-distance couples also find a common hobby or a book to read together in order to feel closer to the other person.
4. How much trust do we have in our relationship? Strong LDR’s are built on a foundation of trust. One common worry is that your partner will cheat on you, and it is perfectly normal to worry about them going to parties and getting too close to someone on the dance floor. However, the healthiest type of relationships is one in which you have faith in your partner and faith in their love for you. Do your best to let go of the worry and give him the benefit of the doubt. At the end of the night, it helps when the first person to get home calls the other person and leaves a sweet voicemail.
5. How will I handle the lack of physical affection? This is perhaps the most obvious question for most. Being in a long-distance relationship means adjusting from being physically affectionate to going weeks or months without sexual intimacy, hugging, kissing, and cuddling. It is extremely hard to be dating when you can’t see your partner in person and do things that other couples can do. Get used to the pang in your heart when you pass by couples who are holding hands or kissing. How will this affect you? What can you do to work around this?
6. Am I confident enough to not be jealous all the time? Yes, your significant other will be in situations where there will be lots of other members of the opposite sex around, but remember that nobody can compare to you; nobody has the deep connection that you two have! One of the biggest problems couples run into is that one person begins to doubt himself or herself. For example, you might worry about the girls he is hanging out with and whether they are prettier than you. Or whether the new coworker he is talking about is someone he is attracted to. Or what he might be doing at parties. Don’t let your hyper-active imagination get to you. The key here is to be confident in yourself and to maintain the positivity and high self-esteem necessary in any relationship.
7. Can I be in a relationship and still lead an independent life? Being entirely dependent on your relationship has its downsides–you won’t be able to hang out with your new friends and get involved in new activities if all your free time is spent skyping/texting/calling your boyfriend. In spite of these reasons, if you have a strong connection with that special someone in your life, then it doesn’t hurt to try a long-distance relationship. Just make sure you can still be you.
8. When we fight, what can we do to resolve our issues? The hardest part about LDR’s is that when you have a huge argument or grow distant, you can’t just kiss and make up. Not being able to talk in person means that arguments can often end in an unsatisfying way that leaves you wanting closure. There isn’t any quick way for things to be okay. It is definitely tough that you won’t be able to give someone a comforting hug or wipe their tears away. Instead, long-distance fights often consist of stony silences on Skype. It takes time to trust and love each other again.
No matter who you are or how many miles you are separated by, LDR’s are hard. Some days it gets easier and some days, it gets harder. But with commitment and effort, long-distance relationships are far from impossible. If you think it can work for you and your partner, give it a try!