By: Shilpi Mohanty
Have you ever stayed in a friendship longer than you should have, and ended up hitting the point that you feel drained after hanging out with them? I know I definitely have. It’s so easy to cut off a romantic relationship after one red flag but we give so many chances to friends. If I had a romantic partner who did half the stuff some of my friends have pulled, they would have been gone. However, the friend is still there, draining the energy out of me. They might have been through the ups and downs with you, but now it’s at the point where they’re only causing the downs in your life. That’s because it’s so hard to see things for what they are when you have been with a friend for so long.
 If you are feeling drained from a friendship and are unsure if it is worth fighting for, keep reading to learn about 8 red flags that are a sign that this friendship is toxic and should end, creating a fresh start this year.
1. 1v1 Competition
Have you ever noticed that whenever you tell a friend something exciting happened to you, they try to one-up you? It’s as if they can’t be happy for you without boasting about their life and being the center of attention. Whether it’s school, work, or life in general, it feels like a constant competition where you’re always in the shadows. This is so draining and frustrating, especially when you just want to celebrate both your own and your friend’s wins together without it becoming a contest of who is better. When a friend can’t be happy for your wins, that’s a huge red flag.
 2. 24/7 Free Therapy
I know we all need someone to vent to, but have you ever had a friend who only reaches out when they need to unload all their problems onto you? It feels like you’re always their free therapist, there for every crisis, but when it’s your turn to talk, they’re either distracted, uninterested, or just focused on something going on in their life. It’s honestly so exhausting because you’re putting in so much for a friendship, but you get nothing in return. Friendships should be mutual, not one-sided, so this is another huge red flag.Â
3. Use and Abuse for Perks
Some friends only come around when they need something from you. They come to ask you for things like helping them with homework, lending them your car, or even just to borrow your stuff. But in bad times, when you need help and are struggling, they suddenly go awol. This means you are just viewed as someone who’s there if and when they need help. This is really hard to recognize because you want to be a supportive friend, but it hurts over time when they keep taking without giving anything back. This pain makes it obvious that they only respect the friendship when they can get something out of it.  Â
4. Always Hot and Cold
This is probably the most confusing red flag ever. One minute they’re clinging on to you all the time, texting you all the time, making plans to hang out, and acting like you’re their best friend. Then, out of nowhere they act so cold, like you aren’t a part of their life. This emotional turmoil of ups and downs makes you wonder what you mean to them. This constant feeling of paranoia gets so exhausting overtime that you don’t have enough energy for anything else. It feels like you are always walking on eggshells and waiting for the next shoe to drop even when things are going well. If they can’t be consistent with how they treat you in this friendship, it’s time to reconsider whether they should get the privilege to be part of your life.Â
5. An Anchor
Have you ever felt like you have a weight dragging you down? You feel stuck, like you are frozen in time by this person keeping you there, either with their problems or asking for continuous favors. Anytime you seem like you’re moving two steps forward, somehow, they pull you 3 steps back and suck you back into your old life. This is not normal. Friends are meant to support you and push you to be your best self. If they constantly keep you tied down or restrict your self-growth, it’s time to step away from this person and reevaluate this bond. Life is already hard enough due to new problems every day, you don’t need or deserve the added on stress of being dragged down by another person. You deserve friends who will help you fly so high you can go beyond the stars, not friends who make you feel like you are sinking to the bottom of the ocean.Â
6. The Gossiper
Friends who always talk about other friends to you are often the ones talking about you behind your back. If they gossip about other people’s personal stuff, it’s very likely that they gossip about you and disclose private details to their other friends behind your back. This, in turn, brings in bad energy to your life by spreading negativity throughout your friend group. It makes you wonder who knows the secrets you share with this friend. It makes you question whether rumors you hear about yourself are crafted by them, considering they are fond of gossiping and stirring the pot. This is a sign to reevaluate whether this person is worth spending your energy on or keeping in your life.Â
7. Invisible Eye to Boundaries
Friends who don’t respect your boundaries are the worst kinds of people to keep around. Whether it’s your time, space, or personal life, it’s disrespectful to continuously push and ignore the lines you’ve drawn. Boundaries are important in every relationship, and when someone constantly crosses them, it shows they don’t value you or your needs. It’s okay to let go of people who can’t respect you.
8. Two-Faced Peacemaker
It hits the hardest when you find out the friend who puts on a nice face and promotes peace, is the same friend talking poorly about you behind your back. This is one of the most difficult red flags to recognize because they seem like your biggest supporter and celebrate your accomplishments. Even though they will throw you under the bus and gossip about you when you’re not present. They never have your back and stay connected with the people that have done you the dirtiest. They try to maintain a good relationship with everyone, so it is hard to see who they are real with and who they are pretending to support. A true “peacemaker” should be someone who honestly tries to help resolve drama and says the same things behind and in front of people. If you catch them gossiping about you or playing both sides in an argument, it’s clear they’re not as genuine as they seem.
If any of these flags resonate with you, it’s time to take a step back and see whether this friendship is worth fighting for. If not, it’s time to heal this year and strive for better friendships that will nourish your life.Â