Love is complicated. Sometimes it places you on top of the world, feeling someone else’s love and giving all of yours in return. Your soul ignites with adoration as you glance around at the wonderful mountains you’ve conquered with their support, heart floating happily above the clouds because they put it there. Other times, love has you crippled in bed, drowning in a pool of your own tears. You feel like a bottomless void, more alone than ever without them. However, in fact, you’re quite the opposite of alone; the most important person in your life is someone you’ll always have. Yourself.
I’m a true lover girl to my core. Loving and being loved has always been my comfort. However, I’ve realized that the security of that comfort has prevented me from standing face-to-face with my insecurities and learning to love myself on my own. I want to look in the mirror and see a girl who stares back confidently because she knows exactly who she is; she’s the love of her own life. So now I’ve officially set off to find myself, and it’s the most exhilarating yet terrifying decision I have ever made.
It’s important to explore your independence to its fullest extent so that you can learn how to take charge of your own life and sense of self. Although sometimes it can be difficult, when you subconsciously equate much of your inner worth with external affirmations and praise. It can be easy to let others’ perception of you define how you perceive yourself. But at the end of the day, that’s not how your personal identity should be constructed; it should stem from within you, and only you.
By no means is self-discovery a race of any kind; it is a lifelong marathon. It is important to commit a part of each day to finding exactly what brings your soul alive. Knowing that you have the ability to spawn an inner flame whenever you need motivation will slowly increase your confidence. Next thing you know, you’ll be walking around with a newfound glow. You glow a lot brighter when it comes from within.
It’s also okay to feel discouraged at times, because soul-searching can be scary. Here’s a few things I personally recommend for when you’re needing a lil’ boost of self-love:
Plug in your headphones
- Listen to your favorite hype song. Whether it’s Alicia Key’s “Girl on Fire,” Lady Gaga’s “The Edge of Glory,” Taylor Swift’s “Love Story,” or another energizing beat, absorb the words and feel. I do this on the way to my exams, which often works wonders with my confidence. If you’re feeling extra inspired, curate a public playlist with your own special twist. Maybe it’ll inspire other listeners, too.
Talk to your people
- Be vulnerable with your family and friends. It might help to share your story and hear how they conquered the same mountains. I can relate to this especially; talking through personal challenges with loved ones and receiving their advice has always left me feeling a bit lighter. By doing this, you’re also creating a safe space where both sides can feel truly heard and understood.
Smile at a stranger
- There’s a lot of power in the simple gesture of smiling, which goes such a long way. Think about if a stranger smiled at you while crossing the street. Wouldn’t you feel pretty happy, even for just a second? You have the power to be someone’s sunshine today, and it’ll make you feel empowered in return. Plus, it could plant the seed for a blossoming friendship.
Try journaling
- When you wake up each morning, write down one thing that you’re looking forward to. I just started doing this, and it sets a positive tone for the day. Write down whatever makes you happy or even what makes you sad, because sometimes it can be therapeutic to let it out. Don’t forget that your feelings are valid and real. We’ve all been there, bestie.
Practice Self-care
- Get your hands on a new book, try a new skincare routine, go for a nature walk, listen to an uplifting podcast, and most importantly be kind to yourself. You deserve to feel good in your own body. Try an activity that will help you embrace the best, most confident version of you. It will feel empowering, knowing that you can be the one to pick yourself up whenever a boost is needed.
Remember your worth
- You are a true miracle, a walking collection of so many others who have loved so deeply and lived so loudly. Wherever you walk, you carry so much meaning. The world is a better place because you exist; you are truly one of a kind, irreplaceable, and beautiful on the inside and out. One day, you’ll believe it, too.
Sometimes, we might need to make painful sacrifices in order to pursue the path we need. Choosing yourself is a difficult, yet essential first step. Let yourself be in the feels. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, let it out into the nearest pillow. If you need a quiet moment to yourself, go take it. We all have our own ways of healing and processing, so do what feels right to you. Have trust in your own ability to get yourself where you want to be, in time.
Picture yourself in the future- whether it’s a couple days, weeks, or months from now- standing on top of your very own mountain. No one else put you there. You put yourself there. You’ve officially fallen in love with your independent self, now a true role model for those who just started their journey. They are watching you with stars in their eyes, and so am I.
You’re bright and strong-minded and utterly invincible; a wanderlust, assertive soul now enamored with your own inner beauty as you should be. You love all that you are without needing validation from others to do so. You pick yourself up when you fall. You tell yourself “I can do this.” You believe in your ability to do hard things. You give yourself a round of applause for every effort you put into making a better you. You look in the mirror at the end of the day and see a determined, glimmering soul staring back at you and it’s the most beautiful view you’ve ever seen because you finally see yourself.
Take a look around. Breathe in the fresh dewy mist of new beginnings. Your new beginning. Exhale the past version of you who never thought they’d get here. Scream out loud that you freaking made it. Then sit on your comfy ledge and watch the fiery sunset sink into the fading pink sky. You are finally choosing yourself today, tomorrow, and forever.
Save me a spot up there, okay?
I can’t wait to join you someday.