The Boyfriend Bait: How to Avoid the Trap

By Sariha Moyen
 
Ah, the excitement of a new fling.  You know that nervous, tingly feeling you get – heart racing when you meet him.  Now you have a cute boy to take you to restaurants and movies, hold your hand, and text you sweet messages during class.  So you excuse yourself the first few times when your friends ask you to dinner since you already planned a date with your main squeeze.  Again you decline, when they ask you to go to the mall Sunday, because you’re already cuddling with your man (from staying over at his place Saturday night) and can’t find the energy to detach yourself from his comforting arms.  Gradually, you find yourself spending more time with your perfect and lovable boyfriend, and less time with those best friends who’ve stayed by your side when you were single.  How did this happen? And how can you maintain your friendships while building your relationship?
 

1.  The “best friend” scenario:  Just because you’ve been spending almost every minute of your free time with him, doesn’t necessarily make him your best friend.  You guys can be close, but there are things that you can’t open up to him about, like how annoying your period is, how obnoxious that girl in your math class is (who flirts with literally every boy in the class) or what nags you, specifically, about him.
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Solution:  Even the sweetest boys can’t take in all of the minute details that we are so alert to in our collegeiette™ lives.  So, don’t overburden him with long-talks about trivial events.  Recognize and appreciate the attention that your other friends have given you in the past, before he came into your life.  Share the gossip and small talk with your friends, who will actually be entertained by the stories.
 
2.  The easy alternative:  Having a boyfriend means you always have something to do.  After classes and on the weekends, he’ll be there to watch movies, go out to eat, or just stay in and cuddle with you.  But what about those nights where he wants to watch the football game with the guys?  You intruding on their guy’s night would be kind of awkward, and probably a little suffocating for him.
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Solution:  Give him space when he wants to do something without you. Call up those friends you haven’t seen in awhile, and go to dinner and catch-up.  They’ll appreciate the effort and it’ll be refreshing to do something different.
 
3.  At every beck and call:  You finally decide to reconnect with some old friends by going to the mall.  The trip turns out great until BAM, that little envelope pops up in your cellphone with your sweetheart’s name.  He’s asking if you want to hang out later.  You’d already promised your friends a girl’s night out, but maybe you could say you’re sick or something…and meet up with him after the mall.
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Solution:  Don’t even think about doing this!  Friends hate it when friends flake. Think of it this way: if you were (single) with a bunch of friends, and hyped up about enjoying some quality girl-time, and one or two of your friends decide to ditch last minute to hang out with their boyfriends…Wouldn’t you feel hurt and irritated?
So tell him you already have plans, and that you might call him later.  He’ll respect your loyalty to your friends, and may even excitedly anticipate seeing you even more.
 
4.  Till death do us part:  Sometimes, when couples attend social events together, it’s cute.  However, when they start going to every event together, it gets old.  Like married couple kind of old… and we’re in college!  
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Solution:  Have fun, be independent, and do something with your friends without him for a change.  Go to clubs, parties, or concerts by yourself just for some you-time.  It’ll show him that you can hold your own, and that he’s a bonus to your life, but not a necessity.  Having a life separate from him shows that you have confidence, and that’s definitely sexy to every guy.
 
It’s not horrible to want to do so much with your significant other, especially early in the relationship.  But, doing almost everything together will eventually have its draw backs.  Many college guys and girls give up their lives to spend time with each other, and then when things don’t work out, it’s difficult to regain their footing as two independent people.  Having a special someone should bring a new dimension to your life, not destroy all the other dimensions of friends, family, and school.  So, take it easy and take things slow, but appreciate yourself and know that no man is necessary to prove that you’re the beautiful, intelligent, and successful collegeiette™ that you are!