I, for my entire life, have had bland brown hair and brown eyes, and have for years to change my appearance. I’ve always held the notion from movies and tv shows that blondes have more fun and girls with blue eyes are instantly more attractive than those without. My eye color was not something I could easily change, so I opted to change my hair. My sophomore year of highschool I bought my first box of hair bleach from Walmart, and after watching hours of Youtube, I attempted to ombre my hair. It turned out exactly how you would expect from a beginner. With some purple shampoo and time, I was content with how my hair looked, so I proudly entered the world as a (half) blonde.
For the next couple of years, I highlighted or balayaged my hair whenever it strayed from my idealistic blonde fantasy. Despite the constant reminders from my dad that my natural hair was beautiful, it didn’t stop me from spending hours of time using bleach, toner, and purple shampoo (which cost quite a bit). When quarantine rolled around, I bid my time by trying the TikTok whipped coffee trend and watching endless videos of girls dying, bleaching, or cutting their hair. I was left to stare at myself in the mirror for more hours a day, so I drew inspiration from these girls: I had no other option than to bleach my entire
My entire conception of beauty was tied to my hair, so looking in the mirror left me with a gut-wrenching feeling of despair. I was ugly. I couldn’t even recognize myself. Quarantine meant hair salons were going to be closed for at least another month; I had to either go an entire month (or more) being disgusted with my appearance, or try using more bleach and run the risk of losing half my hair. I spent the next week weighing my options, wearing nothing but baseball hats and sunglasses whenever I went out in public. I avoided seeing anyone I knew besides family and cried at least once a day. When I decided I was brave enough to go see one of my college friends, I braced for anything she could possibly say when she saw me. To my complete and utter surprise the only thing she said was “Hey nice hair!” I stared at her dumbfounded, she must have been talking to someone else. But she wasn’t.
