When envisioning our wedding day, girls often picture the ideal person who will stand by our side. We create mental checklists, imagining a partner who is strong, kind, attractive, smart, and capable of making us laugh.
After emerging from a high school relationship, influenced by hookup culture and the rapid pace of college romances, I was determined to stay true to myself and find someone truly worthwhile. Over the past three years, I’ve wondered and wondered: where is the guy who is brilliantly smart, irresistibly funny, handsome, strong, and profoundly kind?
In my pursuit of waiting and not “settling,” I believed I was preserving a deep sense of self-respect and recognizing my own worth. In reality, I wasn’t doing those things at all. I became so engrossed in the quest for a perfect partner and maintaining their interest that I forgot I am the most interesting person I know. Despite having high standards and a well-intentioned heart, I have neglected to love myself first.
Reflecting on my checklist for the ideal boyfriend, I now recognize that these qualities stem from within me. I am wickedly smart, and delightfully silly, quirky, and goofy. I never hold back from a witty or sarcastic joke, finding immense joy in amusing myself. I radiate from the inside out with unmatched kindness, epic ambition, and unwavering strength of character.
Whether we choose to embrace hookup culture, decide to stay single, or anything in between- we do not need to keep anyone interested in what we have to offer. In wanting recognition for what I bring to the table, I have spent a whole lot of time trying to showcase myself, instead of reveling in who I truly am. I have not offered myself the adoration, kindness, and respect I deserved because I kept searching for the right person to do it for me. I could have been that person for myself all along. The validation, acknowledgement, and appreciation I sought should have come from within.
Now, I’ve devised a new plan. I deeply understand what I bring to the table. While I hope for an intelligent guy, his smarts will only be as significant as his ability to acknowledge my brilliance. I desire a partner with the strength of character not to be threatened by my ambitious persona, someone funny enough to appreciate my jokes and kind enough to cherish my heart.
You can confidently, unapologetically present yourself without asking for acknowledgement. We can stop advertising ourselves as someone deserving of love and begin celebrating why we deserve it to begin with. Wait patiently and lovingly to be seen. Yes, you deserve unconditional adoration, but the most important person to recognize that is yourself. These days, I hope to turn to my husband on my wedding day and say, “I’m the coolest person here!!”