So a friend of mine was asking me about some relationship stuff and as she described her situation, I figured that a lot of people could relate. College is a time where people are able to explore different things, meet thousands of new people, and make mistakes. A common theme for college as everyone knows is that of the hookup culture. Whether you’re at a party or hanging out with friends, or just seeing people you’ve known your whole life in a different way, you never know when things will change. Most of time we can figure out whether or not it’s a one-time thing or if things will develop into a real relationship; but sometimes it’s a bit more complicated than that.
When people are at a party, they are always distracted. Whether it’s because of the alcohol or the music, or the mass amounts of strangers, poor decisions can be (and almost always are) made. Anyways, it usually ends with someone doing the stride of pride the next morning. From here things usually go one of two ways: you NEVER under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES mention or see that person again, or you actually make a connection and you get in touch 20 minutes later and go on to lead a happy Disney romance. But what exactly happens when things fall in the cracks between those two divides? Well instead of fumbling with awkwardness for months, I suggest the following.
My friend has found herself in an odd scenario of sorts. She’s been seeing this guy for a while now, however due to his last relationship ending with his ex cheating on him, he doesn’t want to be in an official relationship. Basically they’ve been hanging out a lot and hooking up semi-regularly, and everything’s been great. However, they recently had a talk about where they see things going and what they both want. He made it clear that he wanted to keep things casual and without labels and she was conflicted. I suggested to her that if that’s what she wanted as well, then there are no problems, just keep on doing you and enjoy it while it lasts. The only problem she stated is that sooner or later, she might want something more, which is a problem that I’m sure comes up almost every time people are in a “friends with benefits” situation. This is what I told her and would suggest to everyone: go along with things as long as you want, and when the time comes where you want something more, discuss it. But do not be upset if he decides he doesn’t want something more official. He/she told you outright what they wanted from the relationship. You shouldn’t in turn try to make them feel bad if they don’t share whatever emotions you develop. It sounds harsh, but it’s true and you know it.
As cliché as it is, communication is key to making any relationship work (trust me I’ve had my fair share). As long as you both know where the other stands, you can enjoy the company and have a great time. Yeah, it will suck when things end, but if it doesn’t suck when they end, then what was the point in the first place? You will survive. Play whatever sad song you need to for a few days and then start to move on.
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