Lately, my TikTok For You Page (FYP) has been flooded with videos about the “Let Them Theory” by New York Times bestselling author and podcaster Mel Robbins. As a chronic people-pleaser, this concept immediately caught my attention, and I began to dig deeper into this theory. Robbins’ video on the “Let Them Theory” has amassed over 15 million views and 11,000 comments.
The theory suggests that allowing people to do whatever they want, without trying to control or change them, creates peace in your own life. Robbins argues that embracing this mindset leads to healthier relationships and overall happiness. She emphasizes that it is not our responsibility to prevent others from feeling hurt and that we should not stress over things beyond our control.
This approach is particularly beneficial for those who struggle with anxiety or the fear of not being liked. Robbins provides examples such as: “If your friends don’t invite you to brunch this weekend, let them.” Or, “If the person you’re interested in doesn’t want to commit, let them.” She believes that too much energy is spent trying to make people meet our expectations when, instead, we should “let them” choose how they wish to treat us. By doing so, people reveal their true intentions and character.
My key takeaway from my research into Robbin’s theory is that we cannot force others to behave the way we want. Accepting this truth allows us to focus on the one thing that we truly can control, and that is ourselves. When we stop fixating on others’ actions, we free up time and energy for the things that truly matter and bring joy into our lives.
Since learning about this theory, I’ve started applying it to my own life. When a friend doesn’t give me the time I deserve, I let them. When someone doesn’t want to be with me, I let them. I remind myself that I can’t control others and I can only control my own actions. Over the past couple of weeks, I have chosen to invest my time and energy in people who uplift and appreciate me. I have learned that trying to make everyone happy and trying to be liked by everyone does not actually serve me. I will let people choose how they want to treat me, and asses from there.
If you’re reading this, I encourage you to try implementing this mindset. You are worthy of meaningful connections, and by allowing people to reveal their true colors, you make space for those who truly belong in your life.