As Gen Z girls, it’s easy to forget just how recently women gained (almost full) equality in American society, since we have felt it our entire lives. The 19th Amendment, giving women the right to vote, was ratified only 105 years ago. No-fault divorce laws were first introduced in 1969…the final state to pass them did so in 2010. It was not the founding fathers, but our great-grandmothers that fought for our independence. Even now, that fight isn’t over. Our grandmothers fought for equal pay, our mothers fought for no-fault divorce, and now we continue to fight for equality.
While political and social ideologies fluctuate in their popularity, there is one trend that is pretty consistent: Newer generations tend to be more progressive than older ones. This trend is highlighted in a 2020 Pew Research study, in which Gen Z (and Millennials) had the most progressive views on a multitude of issues. It is this trend that has allowed us as women to obtain the power we hold today. So why is it, then, that a growing number of young women are turning toward a regressive version of ‘femininity’ that rejects the very freedoms our ancestors fought for? The answer may lie in the app that so many, myself included, are addicted to: TikTok.
If you’re a woman and use TikTok, you’ve definitely seen and probably even liked a video that contributes to this idea of regressive ‘femininity.’ I know I have. It’s all over the app! Before you deem me crazy for making this claim, let’s dissect a trend that was popular not that long ago: “Just totaled my car, but it’s okay. I’m just a girl.” While this trend is not the most impactful of all the ones that contribute to regressive femininity, I think it’s a good starting point. The trend—“I’m just a girl”—was started by women and the target audience was other women. It wasn’t created with negative intentions. It was intended to be lighthearted and fun. However, although it wasn’t intentionally regressive, the wording, in and of itself, is. You portray something you did, that may be negative or positive, then say “I’m just a girl.” You reduce the impact of the thing you’re portraying, and attribute that lessened impact to “just being a girl.” You are saying something you did is less impactful because you are a woman. The denotation of that statement is “I am a female and nothing more.”
“I’m just a girl” is just the tip of the iceberg. Once you notice one trend, you’ll realize how many others have regressive undertones, or are even overtly regressive. Take, for example, the aesthetic surrounding Nara Smith’s cooking videos. I don’t think Smith herself has any harmful intentions, and her videos are fun to watch, but you can’t deny that her videos conform to traditional gender roles and expectations. Nara Smith is 23, has three children, and is constantly cooking for her husband. While she doesn’t explicitly advocate for conformity to traditional gender roles, her content has emboldened those who do. Once you start engaging with her content, the algorithm will feed you even more traditionalist messaging, so, even if you’re simply watching her for the cozy vibes, it can prime you for accepting a much more regressive form of ‘femininity.’ I’ve experienced this myself, which I thankfully caught onto right away. After a night spent stalking her page, I got a video on my For You Page about “Gen Z men becoming too feminine and women becoming too masculine” and “needing a masculine man that will provide for you.” Of course, I hit uninterested and continued scrolling, but not everyone does.
Now that I’ve identified and dissected some examples of regressive ‘femininity’ on TikTok, I want to discuss how to avoid engaging with content advocating for traditional gender roles using media literacy. In a world where “it’s literally not that deep” and you have constant access to all types of content, many have lost the ability to think critically about the content they’re consuming. Both of my earlier examples reflect this sentiment. The “I’m just a girl” trend illustrates how something intended to be positive can be turned into something negative: Women bonding turned to something demeaning when interpreted in a different way. While Nara Smith’s videos also reflect something positive becoming something negative, other videos you may get from engaging with her content have the opposite effect. A video advocating for conforming to gender roles may make a fair claim, making the viewer more sympathetic to their beliefs. All of this to say, when consuming content, it is important to not take all things at face value. People are complex, they may have motives or different interpretations of their content. Approach content with nuance and remember, it literally is that deep.
As a closing note, I’d like to clarify something I didn’t explicitly state earlier: Feminism is about choice. If a woman wants to be a stay-at-home mom or live a more traditional lifestyle, that is completely valid and should be respected! The issue isn’t women choosing tradition—it’s when that lifestyle is idealized or pushed onto others, often by people who believe it’s the only acceptable way to be a woman. And let’s be honest: Traditional lifestyles inherently have power imbalances. Without financial independence, women are more vulnerable to abusive dynamics. When one partner holds all the resources, it’s much easier for the other to become trapped. That’s why it’s important to question the romanticization of these roles—especially when they’re wrapped up in pretty aesthetics.