There’s been a huge cultural shift since gay marriage was legalized in 2014. Conversations about sexuality have shifted tremendously. Conversations about being LGBTQ+ are no longer stigmatized, instead, many encourage these conversations and exploration. I grew up during this cultural shift and saw firsthand how society has become more accepting of new, old, and unfamiliar identities.
I have my own story of self-discovery; I’d describe mine as slow and groggy. It had such a slow progression and even today I haven’t identified what I am. However, not everyone follows the same slow and groggy path as I did. There’s so much to explore when it comes to identity, and it should be fun! Still, maybe my slow and groggy story is worth mentioning.
I’m a freshman at the University of Michigan, but I’ve been here for 5 months due to a summer program. It’s been easy to immerse myself in the UMich culture because I’ve been here a while. So, I was comfortable enough to download a dating app in September. I was curious and wanted to see what it was about. I set my filter to men and women and got to swiping!
I’ve known for a while I like women and assumed I liked men. I started texting a boy I thought I liked. I mean, he was conventionally attractive and fun to talk to…One small problem. When he complimented me, I wanted nothing else but to ignore him. I’d quickly say “thank you,” and brush it off while telling myself we’re just friends. If I ignored his comments, I could continue our fun conversation. Then, he would compliment me again. I’d get the same feeling and move on as if it was nothing. This is something I can just get past, right?
No, it was not that simple. This occurrence felt almost like an anniversary. Around October last year, a person I knew seemed to have romantic feelings for me. When he did this, I felt so icky. When he wanted to get lunch or sent me a text message, I forced myself to respond to just get it over with. There was this constant feeling of dread associated with him.
What’s common between the two occurrences is I immediately questioned if I liked men. When they tried to talk or flirt with me, I felt disgusted. I desired male attention but hated it when I got it. Yet, whenever a girl complimented me or expressed attraction toward me, I felt like I was in a teenage romance movie: I would kick my legs and start giggling like a character. I can name so many women I find attractive, but not one man.
As a little girl, I had crushes on my male classmates. None of these crushes ever became relationships (I was a child anyway). I used to tell myself “I liked boys when I was younger, then I should now!” I tried to rationalize the reasons I should like men, but liking them was just not my reality. I’ve realized the crushes I had as a child will never compare to the people I’m interested in as an adult.
I tell you this story to make one thing clear: sexuality is fluid. What you wanted at one point in your life may be completely different at another point. That’s completely fine! It’s okay to be confused and unsure of what your next step is. That’s what being in college is about: exploration. There’s truly no better time to find out who you are than during college. I still don’t know what I am, and maybe I never will. Maybe, I don’t need a title to define what I am.
It’s very important to keep in mind not everybody’s sexuality is fluid. Having romantic and sexual feelings that remain the same throughout your life is the experience of most people. Be who you are, there’s always a community to fall back on.