As I progress through college, I find it weirder and weirder to head home for breaks. I’ve just finished my third semester, and I’ve reached a point of utter comfort at school. When I was a freshman, I would get excited for a flight home weeks before my day of takeoff. So the contrasting apathy I felt pre-return home this year was very…well, strange. I still love Philly (my home city), love the smell of my house, love being with my family. But, now that I’m home, I can’t shake the feeling that I should be back in Ann Arbor. I’m thinking that these are the reasons why:
1. I’ve reached a point of mental independence. I’m not financially on my own yet (thankfully), and I’m still in the limbo between teenage-hood and adulthood. But I’m used to doing everything on my own now, and I enjoy taking care of myself. So when my awesome mom cooks me dinner, I can’t help but feel a little weird and a little guilty.
2. I’m used to living with friends now, not family. Family vibes are 100% different. At school, I joke around literally all the time with my roommates, talk about boys, and am hella crude. I can still be sarcastic and crude-ish around my parents (they’re pretty hip, I’d venture to say), but it feels wrong. It’s hard to dampen my school personality at home, and winds up being uncomfortable for all parties. #reallytrying
3. It’s so weird to just sit around the house. Don’t get me wrong, I like doing nothing, but I’m used to the fast-paced, go-out-when-you’re-free, move-from-one-thing-to-another type of life. And when I do go out in my home town, or on adventures, it doesn’t feel as meaningful to me.
4. My high school friends and I are on different wavelengths. I know a lot of college students who feel this way. I still love my old friends and am happy to know them, but they are so different from what I remember. I’m sure that I’m a totally different (and hopefully better) person than I was in high school, too. For me, college has been a huge source of personal growth. So it’s weird to come home and hang with friends that I no longer have anything in common with. #canIstillhugthem?
5. Wait, the world isn’t only college students?! At home, spending time with distant relatives is mind-blowing– I have to remind myself how to interact with adults. When I go to my Dad’s, I see my younger siblings and am reminded that children make up a part of the population. I want to take them bowling, or play games with them, and it’s a new thing– to interact with people that are not my age. Who knew that children still existed? Or middle-aged folks and seniors? I hope that the gifs added a little more humor to this thought-vomit. When I say all of these things, I don’t mean that they are bad. It’s all just so different, and progressively harder to adapt to. I do love coming home– it’s weird as hell, but I’ve never been one to dislike weird.
Images courtesy of Giphy.